Top 10 Brooklyn Nine-Nine Jokes That Will Never Get Old

Captain Raymond Holt seems beyond the realm of having an arch-enemy. He proves us all wrong, however, with Madeline Wuntch. The feud began when Wuntch made an intense pass at Holt, not knowing the latter wasn’t into women, and was rejected. The two come into contact multiple times throughout the seasons, and the insults never disappoint. What makes this feud memorable and continuously fresh is the occasional childishness and brilliant nature of the verbal exchanges. Both parties always seem to come prepared with eloquent quips and witty comebacks. It really makes us hope the two will never learn to get along.

Boyle is thrilled to become an adopted father, and never hesitates to talk about his son, Nikolaj. Or is it… Nikolaj? Boyle’s son is from Latvia, and his name is apparently constantly mispronounced by everyone but the father-son duo. What makes it deserving of a spot on our list is this consistent correction of anyone uttering the boy’s name, and the fact that Boyle (and at times, his son himself) doesn’t seem to grow tired of correcting the offenders. Jake is a particular butt of this joke, as he just can’t seem to understand how he’s mispronouncing the name. To be honest, neither can we.

Holt’s occasional attempts to act straight are always a welcome source of hilarity. When undercover, Holt finds himself having to play a heterosexual man. He refers to his female wife’s thigh gap and heavy breasts, sounding like an oddly formal textbook of how to act like an alpha male. One particularly funny instance is when he is under witness protection in Florida and joins the neighborhood ladies for power-walks. He is acting as a man who has lost his wife, and speaks of her with an awkwardly wordy tone, as though completely oblivious to how a man would speak of a woman. Straight Holt is always a welcome addition to an episode of the 99.

The Jimmy Jab Games, from season 2, is an event that ostensibly occurs once a year in the Nine-Nine. The team competes for a day off in a series of hilarious, and at times disgusting, challenges in the office. The “opening ceremony” in season 7 is a nice touch, as Boyle plays the ringmaster and Scully brings out the operatic pipes. As they work their ways through the events that consist of such atrocities as eating month-old office fridge foods, the team becomes increasingly competitive, and a little too serious about these made-up “games”.

Rosa Diaz might seem like a fairly straightforward person. Yet it becomes apparent with time that no one really knows anything about her past. Her emotionless, cold exterior is occasionally betrayed by hints of a normal past, complete with seemingly uncharacteristic hobbies such as ballet and Stephanie Meyers films. It’s always a treat to get one of these moments of revelation, as the squad is as oblivious as we are. Whenever a detail is revealed, Rosa quickly follows it up with a searing threat to not reveal it to anyone.

Charles Boyle has a way with words. It’s not necessarily a good way, but it’s a way. His puns and unfortunate innuendos are normally unintentional; however when they are intentional, they are somehow worse. For example, upon returning to work on a Monday, Jake greets Boyle and asks him how his weekend went. Boyle claims he wasn’t feeling too well, and Jake expresses his regret and asks why. Boyle then says “Bullets Over Broadway” was on TV, and, as the film stars Dianne Wiest, he came down with a terrible “Wiest Infection”. Cue the awkward stare-down, as Jake presumably is horrified. Boyle then exclaims “Like yeast!” Yuck.

Jake Peralta has caught many a bad guy in his years on the force. None so elusive, however, as The Pontiac Bandit. Craig Robinson plays Doug Judy, a criminal infamous for his car thievery. He makes more than one appearance on the show, and eventually becomes more or less of a friend to Jake, or perhaps one could say, a frenemy. The duo ends up having to work together more than once, and Judy always seems to get the last laugh, as he rides off into the sunset once again a free man, much to Peralta’s chagrin.

The Halloween Heist has become a time-honoured tradition in the Nine-Nine. Every Halloween, the squad looks forward to it more than parties and wearing costumes. So do we. The Heist consists of trying to gain possession of an object, through any wild means necessary, in order to be crowned the “The Ultimate Detective Slash Genius”. The Heist brings out the competitive chops in everyone, even more than the Jimmy Jab Games. The plans to win become more and more elaborate with every season, some detectives “planting the seeds” of their plans up to eight months in advance. We’re always up for a good Heist.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine has reinvigorated the “cold open” tradition in the best way possible. The show’s cold opens are always a treat, and we look forward to them every time we tune in. Though there are some excellent contenders for the top cold open, one that always comes back to mind is the Backstreet Boys criminal line-up song. As Peralta leads a witness in identifying the man who killed her brother, she states that the man was singing the Backstreet Boys classic. Cue the criminal line-up harmonizing, as Jake gets way too absorbed in the impromptu concert. Classic.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

Amy’s Sneaky Cigarettes
Gina and Holt Take a Personality Test
Terry Loves Yogurt
Gina Dancing
Bingpot!

“The Office” had “that’s what she said”, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine has “title of your sex tape”. Jake relentlessly takes Amy’s sentences and follows them up with this punchline.. This makes for some consistently interesting insults and zingers, and Jake never disappoints. Others join in as well, taking from Jake’s example. Captain Holt’s attempt with “title of your sextant tape” is particularly hilarious. Though a lot of other squad members attempt it, Jake is ultimately the master of the quip, and we always enjoy a good quip… title of our sex tape… well, we tried.