Top 10 Characters Who HILARIOUSLY Thought They Could Take John Wick

“John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum” (2019)
Honestly, we could see how Zero’s students would think they have a chance against John Wick. After all, they outnumber him, they’re armed, and they’re played by the incredibly talented “Raid” actors Cecep Arif Rahman and Yayan Ruhian. However, like some others on this list, the Shinobi are huge fans of John, and should probably capitalize on their opportunities when they get them. Regardless, the level of respect both on- and off-screen makes for an incredibly engaging two-on-one. In fact, Keanu Reeves was reportedly so impressed with their prowess, that he insisted John couldn’t kill their characters. Still, that doesn’t change the fact that they messed with the bull and got the horns.

“John Wick” (2014)
Ironically, Viggo is the character who first informs us of John’s utter badassery, yet he still does everything in his power to resist. That’s understandable, seeing as it’s his son’s life on the line, but would he have sent virtually every man in his employ after John if he didn’t think it could be done? Of course, being the primary antagonist, Viggo does get the upper hand on his former hitman a couple times, even capturing him at one point. But he makes the mistake of not ending him while he has the chance, allowing John to do what he does best. It all culminates at the docks where Viggo tries to fight dirty, but John’s incredible durability allows him to power through and overcome.

“John Wick: Chapter 2” (2017)
Much like Viggo, Cassian is someone who’s fully aware of John’s capabilities, but his staunch loyalty and professionalism compel him to fight back all the same. While in Rome, Cassian sadly never gets the chance to protect his employer Gianna D’Antonio. Upon seeing John Wick, he deduces his role in her death, indirect though it is. This prompts him to go after John with every fiber of his being, and surprisingly manages to survive multiple meetings. But there’s only so many times you can poke the hornets’ nest before you get stung. Much like the Shinobi, Cassian is greatly respected by John, who ultimately gives him a professional courtesy by only giving him a fatal wound should he persist. We like to think he survives.

“John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum” (2019)
Now we get into the really highfalutin jerks who never should’ve messed with John Wick. After all, how many times does he need to remind people to be nice to dogs?? Seeking out the Elder, John reconvenes with Sofia, a former friend, who in turn introduces him to her former employer, Berrada. Berrada agrees to direct John to the Elder in exchange for one of Sofia’s dogs. Sofia refuses, prompting Berrada to shoot the poor pup, though it survives thanks to its bulletproof vest. While Berrada doesn’t get down and dirty himself, he clearly thought his men could handle John, Sofia, and her dogs, but no. Heck, we probably wouldn’t have given them a shot against the dogs alone.

“John Wick” (2014)
One of the things we love about the first “John Wick” is its establishing the rich dynamics of the assassin underworld and all its rules. Most respect the rules; Ms. Perkins… not so much. When Viggo puts a bounty on John’s head, Perkins is all too eager to collect, even willing to break the Continental Hotel’s no-killing-on-the-grounds policy to get the job done. Perkins is able to sneak into John’s room while he’s sleeping, but the latter’s friend Marcus is able to rouse him and get him in the fight. Of course, Perkins loses and John spares her, but her indiscretions don’t end there. She kills John’s friend Harry in the Continental and helps Viggo end Marcus, but ultimately her sins catch up to her.

“John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum” (2019)
Ernest is an imposing guy. After all, he’s played by 7’4” basketball player Boban Marjanović. But even he manages to overestimate his abilities when he ambushes John at a local library. After the High Table puts a prospective $14 million bounty on John, Ernest is so eager to collect that he jumps at the opportunity before the bounty actually goes live. Which is a shame, because that’s a few extra minutes he could’ve had to… not fight John Wick. Backed into a corner, John has no choice but to defend himself, and with what little resources he has. He epitomizes the definition of “heavy reading” with a few large tomes, repeatedly sending them into his adversary before he cuts the giant assassin down to size.

“John Wick: Chapter 2” (2017)
Ares occupies a distinctly intimidating position in the “John Wick” series: she does not speak, which prompts her to sign absolutely chilling threats to her enemies. And somehow, she believes that she and her henchmen can take out John Wick himself, which is obviously a fool’s errand. After John completes the hit on Gianna D’Antonio, her brother Santino tasks his right-hand woman Ares to tie up loose ends. Trouble is, John is able to escape her forces without much incident. Incensed, John takes the fight to Santino directly, meaning he has to go up against Ares again. This time though, the latter isn’t so lucky. The set design and choreography make for a spellbinding fight, but it still ends like the others with John prevailing.

“John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum” (2019)
When it comes to John Wick fanboys, perhaps none are so pronounced as that of High Table assassin Zero. Played brilliantly by Mark Dacascos, Zero is incredibly fun to watch in his scenes with John, as he can’t help but gush over his idol. But all that means little when it comes to doing what he’s been paid to do. John’s initially able to evade Zero’s grasp by reaching the Continental in time, but soon enough they’re having their own sanctioned, mano a mano showdown between two greats in the industry. Unlike his students, the Shinobi, though, Zero suffers a fatal wound before John walks away. Even in near death though, Zero manages to retain his respectful naiveté.

“John Wick: Chapter 2” (2017)
As evidenced by our last entry, even a friendly disposition doesn’t guarantee your well-being in this world. So you gotta know that a power-hungry scumbag like Santino D’Antonio would be issued his just desserts eventually. As if exploiting John’s reactivated status in the criminal underworld was bad enough, Santino has the gall to go back on his deal and try to silence him once he’s gotten what he wants. This of course only sets John’s sights on him, leading the walls to close in on Santino. Desperate for sanctuary, Santino shelters at the Continental, but just when he thinks he’s safe, John ends his reign of tyranny. When even John Wick is willing to break the rules, that’s when you know you’ve really done wrong.

“John Wick” (2014)
Unlike pretty much everyone on this list, Iosef is poorly equipped to handle John Wick whatsoever. Yet his childish nature leads him to unknowingly steal his car and kill his puppy, essentially sparking the whole franchise in motion. Even when Iosef is appraised of John’s mission and diligence, the nepo baby arrogantly continues his partying ways until he witnesses firsthand the severity of the threat. Like the coward he is, Iosef is stashed away at a safehouse, only “safe” really shouldn’t be the operative word. John infiltrates the facility and finds a whimpering Iosef, putting to bed the primary ordeal and avenging puppy-lovers everywhere.