Top 10 Doomed Anime Romances

“Berserk” (1997-2007)
As far as this naïve princess goes, in her mind the White Hawk was the perfect knight, who also happened to deflower her during his little mental breakdown following Guts’ departure, only to be then accused of treason and tortured until he was a mute cripple. But hey, now he’s back, their fairy tale can continue. Only problem is that given how Griffith is secretly a member of the God Hand, evil and depravity are bound to swallow up everything he holds dear. Oh, and with Guts coming for his head, we can expect the honeymoon period between these two to be very short indeed.

“Goblin Slayer” (2018)
The Priestess, the Sword Maiden, the Elf Archer, his childhood friend Cow Girl, the Guild Girl. What do all of these lovely ladies have in common? They all want the Goblin Slayer to venture into and conquer their heart’s dungeons. Sounds like a dream for every adventurer, right? Well too bad, because the only thing this boy has got on the brain is killing more goblins. Granted if they convinced him that marriage and love somehow RESULTED in the slaughter of said goblins then maaaaaybe they might have a chance.

“Monogatari” Series (2009-)
It should be impossible for a guy like this to be surrounded by this many hunnies who are practically foaming at the mouth for him, and yet Araragi seems to have more potential lovers than he has fingers. Of course, Hitagi remains the one true love of his life…or so they keep saying. Given the vampire’s track record of giving into temptation, it stands to reason that his solidarity could be broken by the likes of Sengoku or Hanekawa broke him. But the real likelyhood is that he’s going to get himself killed trying to save one of the many girls in his life and leave poor Senjougahara widowed.

“Boruto: Naruto Next Generations” (2017-)
I mean…if this is what sets you two off then you might as well hand the divorce papers over right now and go find a new ship. After commenting that Ino treats their son way too harshly, Sai finds himself on the receiving end of his wife’s wrath, to the point it starts to get physical! Don’t worry though, he’s not blameless either, since he has no idea how to quell her rage, he just waits until Inojin comes along to resolve the whole thing! Come on guys you’re making Sasuke and Sakura look good by comparison!

“Dragon Ball Super” (2015-18)
Forget about that alternate future where these two looked like desperate lovers facing annihilation, there’s no way the present day Kid Trunks is going to follow in the path of his elder self. Why? Because surely he’s eventually going to learn the girl who likes him is actually older than his mother! Given how she was transformed into a younger state a while back, no matter how lovely Mai grows up to be, she’s still going to be a crone inside of a younger woman’s body. Pretty sure that’s going to dampen the romance a bit.

“Overlord” (2015-18)
Even if we ignore the…physical limitations that come from being a skeleton, we still have our doubts that the winged beauty will ever get her lord and master to take her to the bone yard. Not for lack of trying mind you. Existence of personal equipment aside, Albedo is practically unhinged when it comes to Ainz, to the point where she’s tried to force herself upon him multiple times. Sad thing is that due to his emotion inhibitors, any time he gets excited or potentially inclined to join her for a monster mash in the bedroom…it just gets supressed. Damn anti-libido magic!

“Digimon Adventure 02” (2000-01)
Are we including this duo because we’re still salty that Sora didn’t end up with Tai. Yes. But hear us out. Assuming that all throughout Matt’s young rock star career he doesn’t flounder off with one of his groupies, according to 02’s epilogue, he still becomes an astronaut…and goes to freakin’ Mars! You just left your young wife to run her flower shop while you and your Digimon get to play around on the red planet?! Joke’s on you Matt Damon, while you’re gone, guess who’s going to be there to comfort your lonely lover. Get in there Tai!

“Oreimo” (2010-13)
It’s kind of shocking how many times we’ve gone on the record to express my dismay for this particular coupling, since it’s the definition of toxic. Normally, watching a bland, naïve, moron isolate himself from every competent lady in his life just for the chance to be with the one person who made his life a misery would be bad enough…but considering she also happens to be his sister, the gross layers of this relationship keep on building up. Hey, if their aggressive personalities don’t break them up, their mutant children will.

“Beastars” (2019)
Look, we want this to work. We so want this to work. Legoshi is nothing short of pure gold, with a heart as big as his tail who deserves all the love in the world, and despite having little reservations about bunking up with strangers for the night, Haru is still a sweet and wholly misunderstood bunny who deserves happiness too. The problem? She’s still a bunny, and he’s still a wolf, with appetites and instincts to match. Throw in how this socially savage world seems determined to keep these two apart, and we can’t help but feel that they’re doomed to never be together. And now I feel like crying.

“Scum’s Wish” (2017)
I mean…fair play to the man for looking past the flaws and traits others might view as unbecoming but…are you sure this is the route you want to trek down? You do know that your fellow teacher, while stunning, also lives to take, break and discard men at her leisure, something she even admits is a favourite hobby of hers, and has shown little to zero desire to change. And yet they still agree to marry one another? Well, if you want to dive headfirst into a future filled with mistrust, potential adultery and a medley of awkwardness, you do you. Just like the way your new wifey did her student.