Top 10 Times Chandler was a Savage on Friends

Chandler deals with his stress in a number of ways. Usually it’s through humor, but when that wasn’t enough, he used to smoke. After Joey takes it up for a role, Chandler gets sucked back into his nicotine addiction. He becomes increasingly irritated throughout the episode with his friends’ attempts to get him to quit, but it’s while he’s suffering from withdrawals that we get some classic Chandler savagery. “Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him! Do you think that was wrong?” Right or wrong, it’s a hilariously scathing remark from Chandler that, unlike his nicotine patch, has us feeling “alive with pleasure” whenever we hear it.

Joey’s role as Dr. Drake Ramoray on “Days of Our Lives” is arguably his best and most well-known role. So, when he gets the call that the good doctor is coming out of his coma, he rushes over to tell everyone, but he follows it up with an apparent non-sequitur that he’ll also be receiving a new brain. Chandler, never one to waste an opportunity, interjects with yet another one of his clever remarks. Call this a fastball, because Chandler hit this joke out of the park! (Not to derail from Chandler, here, but Joey’s pretty ruthless in this scene too. Case in point: “Well I think it’s ridiculous that you haven’t had sex in three and a half months.”

When Joey tells his friends he’s up for a part in a commercial playing a 19 year old, they’re pretty dubious. To show he can pass for a teenager, Joey dresses up like one – or, at least, his idea of one. His absurd outfit and use of youth slang has Chandler borderline speechless. Thankfully, for our entertainment, he doesn’t remain that way for long. “Yes, on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19.” While Joey may be trying to act “off the hook” here, it’s more like he’s off-the-charts ridiculous – as is Chandler’s absolutely wicked burn!

Rachel’s invitation to her ex’s wedding leads to much hilarity for everyone else, especially since her bridesmaid’s dress looks like something even a Barbie doll would consider too pink. While Chandler’s initial reactions involve a fit of laughter and calling her “princess Bubble Yum,” his most devastating joke happens when Ross and Rachel drop by before the wedding. “I’m sorry, we don’t have your sheep.” Now with her complimentary hat, Rachel’s outfit manages to get somehow pinker. The Little Bo Peep comparison is so perfect, we just have to commend whoever wrote the line. It even gets a coy smile out of actor Matthew Perry!

At Central Perk, Chandler teases Ross about a woman he started dating. After he leaves to call her, Joey arrives and reveals that he’s also dating someone new – who coincidentally lives in the same place Ross’ new belle does. Both also reveal that this mystery girl is seeing someone else. Chandler, of course, puts two and two together and can barely contain his glee. Although he reluctantly gets up to leave, he has one parting savage moment where he asks both Ross and Joey the name of the woman they’re dating, only to split when they say the same name. Chandler is a true agent of chaos in this moment and we LOVE IT!

Whenever we get a glimpse into the characters’ past, it’s generally a recipe for some top shelf comedy. After Monica’s parents drop off a box of her things, she finds a video of her and Rachel getting ready for prom that the gang decides to watch. Much is revealed, including the fact that Monica used to be plus-sized and most of the gang is surprised to find this out. We don’t condone fat-shaming and this is certainly not Chandler’s finest hour, but there’s no denying that his quip here is among his most savage insults. “Oh shut up, the camera adds 10 pounds!” “So uh, how many cameras are actually on you?”

When Ross goes to a spray tan salon, the results are, as you might imagine, disastrous. He gets the count wrong and is sprayed unevenly, leaving him with a ridiculously dark front half and a pale back half. When Ross laments his misfortune to Monica and Chandler, the latter has a field day. Although his remarks on Ross being able to perform “Ebony and Ivory” by himself are pretty cutting, his opening outburst is as red hot as its metaphor. “I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.” “Was that place…the sun?!” He may not have gotten a natural tan, but Ross still got sun-burned.

Many of Chandler’s quips come with regards to Joey’s… How do we put this? To Joey’s… slow-wittedness. But this line easily tops all the others. When Chandler asks his friends to recommend a good tailor, Joey suggests his longtime one, Frankie. He claims to have gone to him since he was 15. Or 16. Whenever 1990 was. At any rate, Chandler’s cutting response is absolutely brutal! “Okay, you have to stop the q-tip when there’s resistance!” The line is actually a favorite of Matthew Perry’s, and it’s no wonder since the actor reportedly came up with it himself. Even the physical comedy here is on point.

Monica and Chandler’s wedding has everyone abuzz. Even Ross is looking to do something for his sister and best friend on their special day. Unfortunately, he decides on learning to play the bagpipes. It’s not long before the happy couple hear Ross practicing and become… decidedly less happy. While Monica’s set-up is great, Chandler really goes for the jugular with his response. “Why is your family Scottish?” “Why is your family ROSS?!” If Chandler was worried about hurting Ross’ feelings, comments like these probably aren’t the best way to avoid that. If his soon-to-be brother-in-law heard that remark he’d deflate faster than his wheezing instrument!

Before we get to our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions:

Bambi’s Mom, “The One Where Chandler Can't Cry”
Oof – Right in the Childhood!

Hannibal Lecter, “The One Where Eddie Won’t Go”
Eddie Doesn’t Even Seem Like He Appreciates a Nice Chianti

Lion Tamer, “The One With The Girl From Poughkeepsie”
Are We the Only Ones Who Think Paleontology Is Cool?

A.A. Milne, “The One Where No One’s Ready”
So, What’s the Verdict? Do We Think the Quote Is Accurate?

Success?, “The One With Joey's Porsche”
Low Blows? Can We Interest Anyone in Some Low Blows?

New Year’s prompts the gang to share their resolutions for the coming trip around the sun. After Chandler mocks some of his friends’ aspirations, he makes a bet with Ross to go a week without making fun of them. Unfortunately for Chandler, his friends give him plenty of ammo, from Ross wearing leather pants, to Phoebe’s “regular” brand of guitar instruction, to Ross’ new girlfriend’s name. The fact that all of them ignore the obvious joke potential is enough to drive Chandler to his wits’ end. By the end of the episode, he finally caves and pays Ross, before going off on a rapid-fire rant... one that’s strangely satisfying for both him and the audience.