Top 10 Worst First Date Movies

When you walked into the cinema, you were suave, sophisticated, you stood a steady chance with your date! Maybe you’d applied a certain aftershave? Or you’d donned a certain brand of smart/casual wear? And you’ve been keeping up to date with stomach crunches? Everything is going swimmingly until this movie unfolds, and a similarly image-conscious character turns out to be the titular psycho! Of course, you’re nothing like Patrick Bateman... But your date doesn’t know that!

Admittedly, nobody is entering into this movie - titled as it is - expecting marshmallows and puppy dogs, but by the final credits you might have stood more of a chance with your special someone if you had literally gouged your eyes out in front of them! When Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg get down to it, you might believe that this film was headed in the right direction... That is until their infant son falls out of the window, and a psycho-sexual voyage of demonic discovery is embarked upon!

Another movie where the clue really is in the title... Unless you want the attraction to be a fatal one (in which case, you’re odd anyway...), then this is a no go! Family man Michael Douglas strikes up an illicit, adulterous affair with a sultry Glenn Close... He was likely looking for a little ‘no strings attached’ fun, but he found the exact opposite! As it happens, Close’s character is an obsessive, aggressive, stalker supremo... And, upon seeing your taste in film, your date will make a run for it!

A movie that dedicates fifty per cent of its title to the patron saint of romance? Starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams? What could go wrong?? Well... A lot could go wrong! “Blue Valentine” documents the rise and fall of a young couple, leaving within its audience an overbearing sense of despair and hopelessness... Not exactly the vibe you’d be going for when first trying to hit it off with someone… if this movie is anything like the future you’d have together, you may as well quit right now!

This film’s got it all... Mystery, intrigue, quality characters... Oh, and an underlying theme of intense violence, and incest! A brilliant revenge tragedy in its own right, in this case the critic’s choice is definitely not the first date film of choice! If the idea of getting locked away for years on end, morally questionable relationships, and novel, nasty uses of the claw hammer do it for your date, then you might want to quickly thank them for a nice night, and leave them a false phone number!

An international best seller on the bookshelves and a critically acclaimed adaptation to the silver screen, it’s still worth stalling on “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” for at least a little while! Several scenes of eye-watering violence (often sexualized) do not exactly represent the first impression that you want to make for someone! This film is dark, but not in the ‘edgy enough to be interesting’ way... But rather in the ‘stop it, you’re scaring me!’ way!

Reputation precedes our next film, to the point where the majority of people would know what they were getting themselves into... But, just in case you are unaware, and just in case you do think that “The Human Centipede” is some kinda loveable tale about anthropomorphic insects... It’s not! Expect some highly questionable surgery techniques, sexual fetishism to the absolute extreme, and a fair few frightened glances shot your way! This is less the feeling of butterflies in your stomach... More the feeling of maggots infesting your insides!

It’s an Oscar winner, sure... It’s considered an important movie that everyone should see at least once in his or her lifetime... Right... But, if you’re wanting to woo, then best not make that ‘one time’ the first time you meet someone you like! Steve McQueen’s historical drama is very heavy stuff, more likely to encourage somberness than sexiness! While a little depth and sensitivity isn’t a bad thing, “12 Years A Slave” is probably a little too much, too soon!

A movie initially receiving mixed reviews but retrospectively loved, if you bust out “Blue Velvet” on a first date, then you’re unlikely to be granted the benefit of hindsight in the same way! David Lynch’s gruesomely graphic neo-noir is the sort of psychological horror that gets into your head and stays there, regardless of whether you want it to! Violence, abuse, molestation, a severed ear... In short, this movie is a first date that won’t be forgotten soon, but not for the want of trying!

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
- “Shame” (2011)
- “The Woodsman” (2004)
- “The Green Mile” (1999)
- “Hellraiser” (1987)
- “Megan is Missing” (2011)

A movie that could top plenty of positive countdowns, “Schindler’s List” takes this list, despite it being held in the highest of regard otherwise! When all is said and done, there are some things that just aren’t first date material, and a harrowing portrayal of the Nazi Holocaust is definitely one of those! A few tears are not necessarily a bad thing in a first date film, but constant crying is a definite no! Good luck picking the mood up after this one... You are gonna need it!

Do you agree with our list? Which movie would ruin your first date? For more inappropriate top 10s published daily, be sure to subscribe to WatchMojo.com.