Top 20 Hilariously Awful Movie Fights
#20: Shadow Boxing
“Ator, the Fighting Eagle” (1982) “Ator, the Fighting Eagle” was the first installment of four—count ‘em, FOUR—Italian “Conan the Barbarian” knock-off movies. The series is absolutely a source of B-movie gold, including this debut entry from noted sleazemeister Joe D’amato. The first “Ator” film is, for the most part, a basic “Conan” retread, though it does include a fight sequence between our titular hero and some menacing shadow warriors. Actually, “menacing” may not be quite the correct word to describe this scene… “Silly” might make a bit more sense. Miles O'Keeffe does keep a straight face through it all, but, yeah, this feels more like a cost-conserving measure than anything creative or exciting.
#19: Nightclub Brawl
“Exit Wounds” (2001) 2001 may seem like sort of late in the game for action star Steven Seagal to enjoy a box office hit, but this co-starring vehicle with rapper DMX was actually well-regarded upon release. This is despite the relatively goofy nature of fight scenes such as this one, which takes place in a nightclub. Seagal’s co-star Anthony Anderson diffuses any sort of realistic tension with his over-the-top commentary and quips, all the while brightly colored glass and huge, dangerous dangling chains just feel a lot like plot conveniences. It also all ramps up while the extras just sort of…hang around? It’s not terrible, but it’s definitely not one of Seagal’s best.
#18: A Clean Fight
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“Black Belt Jones” (1974) Jim Kelly was always the sort of martial arts film star who never took himself too seriously. As a result, his filmography is full of well-intentioned and super-fun films that also happen to feature some serious ass-kicking. This sequence from “Black Belt Jones'' might be a bit beyond the pale, although you’d never know it, given how Kelly sells it all. It occurs at a car wash, of all places, and feels like 1970s schlocky kung-fu madness diluted into its purest essence. You want a funky soundtrack? We got your funky soundtrack. Jim Kelly in short shorts? Glad you asked, here ya go. Oh, and there’s also suds. Lots of soap suds. What more could you want, really?
#17: Lurch Kicks It
“Night of the Kickfighters” (1988) The 1988 film “Night of the Kickfighters” features the classic action/espionage plot of “let’s get the band back together for one last job.” Still, we have to wonder just what a “kick fighter” really is, exactly… Before we can ever figure it out, though, we always just end up distracted by “The Addams Family’s” butler kicking some major butt. That’s right—if you thought Ponti looked a little familiar, that’s because he’s Carel Struycken, the actor who played Lurch throughout the 90s. This fight scene takes place less than five years before Struycken would take on the role, but it feels a million miles away—the sort of Z-grade action that thrived on video store shelves, you know? Makes for some hearty laughs, that’s for sure.
#16: Final Fight
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“Ninja Terminator” (1985) True connoisseurs of bad-bordering-on-good cinema should know the name of Godfrey Ho. This Hong Kong director was the master of “cut-and-paste” cinema, taking footage from unfinished or obscure films, and splicing them together with new footage featuring ninjas or kickboxers. Ho’s work is an…acquired taste, for sure, but “Ninja Terminator” might be his most well-known film, thanks to its completely bonkers execution. Star Richard Harrison (who was spliced into numerous Ho films without his knowledge) is ready to go in this ninja battle, all complete with stylish eyeliner. Meanwhile, the music stings are COMPLETELY ridiculous, overshadowing the underwhelming action to an absurd degree. Then, well, it just sort of… ends.
#15: A Man Disarmed
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“Deadly Prey” (1987) The 1980s were a wild and fruitful time for the over-the-top action movie hero, featuring big, marquee names like Stallone, Schwarzenegger and…Ted Prior? What, you mean to say that you’ve never heard of Ted Prior, star of the 1986 B-movie action classic, “Deadly Prey?” Where else can you find a camouflaged madman doing some unbelievable things with a disembodied arm? This is a movie that worries not about realism or physics; it’s simply here to entertain with as much campy ultra-violence as possible. And it definitely delivers on that front…
#14: Spooning & Gouging
“Samurai Cop” (1991) The decision to speed up an action sequence can be made for a number of reasons. Sometimes, it’s simply for sake of style, while other times it’s done in order to make the actors in question appear to be more proficient fighters on screen. The finale of “Samurai Cop” is definitely the latter, as actors Matt Hannon and Robert Z’dar square off. The choreography features a loving embrace by the pair, some not-so-successful gouging and a conclusions that attempts some gravitas but doesn’t quite stick the landing. That’s “Samurai Cop” in a nutshell.
#13: Fighting in Reverse
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“Athisaya Piravi” (1990) Reverse photography is a handy cinema trick filmmakers sometimes use to effectively stage a fight scene. Sometimes, it’s just a budgetary measure, since not a lot of time is available for multiple set-ups and takes. As a result, you get scenes like this one in 1999’s “Athisaya Piravi,” an Indian film with fight sequences that…well, they’ve got gusto, we’ll give ‘em that. Our hero definitely seems ready to rock with his cool gloves, dad jeans and, oh boy, some timeless white sneakers. Then, the fighting starts, and it’s surprisingly musical. It actually feels more like dancing than fighting, and is impossible to take seriously.
#12: Slow Motion
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“Secret Executioners” (1982) This is probably one of Godfrey Ho’s lesser-seen joints from the early 1980s, but it’s one that’s no less essential for fans of trash cinema. “Secret Executioners” is barely a film, cobbled together from three disparate sources, but it does feature this less-than-intense fight between two actors whose skills in the martial arts appear completely negligible. It’s all a perfect storm of bad dubbing, atrocious clothes, and even worse moves; the sort of kung-fu that an average, strip-mall white belt could probably best. It’s clumsy, horribly slow, and completely hilarious.
#11: Silly Kicks
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“Death Warrior” (1984) Cüneyt Arkin is a hero of Turkish cult cinema, an honest-to-goodness tough guy for the common man who appeared in a number of unapologetically sloppy Z-movie efforts. “Death Warrior” still seems to be a cult film waiting for its time in the sun, and we hope that happens soon, because where else can you find fight scenes like this? Seriously, Arkin’s screen presence is so badass that his fancy footwork is almost not laughable; it’s the sort of 1980s excessiveness bad movie fans live for! “Death Warrior” revels in the ridiculous, while Arkin mugs and prances for the camera with supreme confidence. It’s definitely one of a kind.
#10: Dance-Fighting
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“The Last Airbender” (2010) If you loved the OG cartoon for its stunning fight scenes… yeah, maybe skip out on this much-maligned M. Night Shyamalan adaptation. There’s an anticlimactic feeling in the air during this sequence where Aang and the earthbenders revolt against their firebending oppressors. The music feels epic, and the actors are attempting to bring some seriousness to the scene, but the group-dancing earthbenders are more silly than fearsome. (We’re pretty sure Toph called Aang twinkle-toes, not her own people.) The whole thing is oddly slow too, with what feels like fighters waiting for their cues. Should we even mention the special effects? Oh, the disappointment is so real.
#9: Neon Ninjas
“Ninja: Silent Assassin” (1987) The tagline title of “Ninja: Silent Assassin” makes superb use of Godfrey Ho’s penchant for connecting the unconnected movie dots via characters talking into a telephone, and it all leads up to yet another memorably awful, final ninja fight. Oh, and there’s absolutely no mistaking the fact that these combatants are ninjas, since their neon headbands spell it out in plain text. There’s a whole lot of musical swell and climatic build to their final fight, to the point where the audience wonders whether anything is actually going to happen. Well, it does and it’s…not great. It’s sub-“Power Rangers” fodder without the payoff, but you had to know that going into it!
#8: Miraculous Recoveries
“Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky” (1991) It’s pretty easy to enjoy 1991’s “Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky” on multiple levels. On one hand, you can appreciate the amount of ingenuity and skill it took to pull off the film’s imaginative special effects. Then again, when the final product is THIS over-the-top, you also just have to smile and go along for the ridiculous ride. There are miraculous recoveries from straight-up deadly injuries, all of which are gruesome enough you’ll just have to watch for yourself. Oh, and did we mention the warden who turns into a giant monster? Yep, “Riki-Oh” has it all.
#7: Having a Ball
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“The Intruder” (1986) Film industries from Hong Kong, Italy and Turkey are all rightfully celebrated for their fertile B-movie output, but Indonesia is perhaps a less heralded—yet no less impressive—source for the same sort of wonderful garbage. “The Intruder” is an unapologetic knock-off of “First Blood,” to the point where the main character is named “Rambu,” for cryin’ out loud! Peter O’Brian “action face” is magnificent as ever as he throws punches left, right, and center. Still, it’s his magic rubber ball that steals the show, defying gravity and the laws of physics at every turn. Don’t mess with Rambu!
#6: Gym-artial Arts
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“Gymkata” (1985) You have to admire Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas for attempting to parlay his natural athletic skill into an action-movie acting career, especially when the end results are “Gymkata”! This cult action flick puts the “flip” into “flipping ridiculous,” as it explores cliché action tropes with stone-faced seriousness. It’s this sincerity that ultimately works in “Gymkata’s” favor, however, especially when Thomas uses a pommel horse during a fight in the village square. The musical soundtrack amps up the gravitas of the sequence, despite the fact that it looks like Thomas is just going through his warm ups while bad guys fall at his feet. And who put that pommel horse there, anyway?
#5: Thor Kicks Ass
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“Rock ‘n Roll Nightmare” (1987) No, not that Thor. We’re talking about Jon Mikl Thor, the heavy metal rocker turned horror/action actor, with some attitude to spare. Did we say “attitude?” Let’s add “ego” to the mix, too, as Thor preens and prances his way through sub-par horror gags and seemingly endless sex scenes until he finds himself squaring off against the big bad. “How bad,” you might ask? How about the freakin’ DEVIL? Yup, Thor goes toe-to-toe with Beelzebub, and it’s as ridiculous as you can imagine. An oiled-up Thor dodges demonic thing-a-ma-bobs before duking it out with a puppet Satan in a manner that’s tough to take seriously, but easy to love.
#4: That’s Mister, to You
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“Mr. No Legs” (1979) The 1978 “Mr. No Legs” may be low-budget exploitation, but there’s nothing exploitative about the story of its star, Ted Vollrath. The man lost his legs in service to his country during the Korean War, but he didn’t let this stop him from earning a black belt, and for crusading to help other disabled folks learn martial arts. That said, the film banks upon the visual of Vollrath fighting in and out of his tricked-out wheelchair. The movies seems to know how striking it looks, and Vollrath seems game to go above-and-beyond to shoot fight scenes that may look ridiculous on the surface but are also profoundly interesting from a film history perspective.
#3: Cheep Cheep
“The Room” (2003) Like a bad rash, “The Room” can’t seem to avoid being the topic of nearly every list about bad, or “so bad they’re good,” films. But, it’s so valid when you’ve got fight scenes like this one, to run alongside overacting, gratuitous sex scenes, and horrible dubbing. Johnny’s “cheep cheep cheep” taunts are incredibly silly, while the pushing and grabbing looks like a schoolyard tussle gone horribly wrong. This is yet another reason why cine-masochists keep returning to “The Room” to get their fix of cringe. Probably won’t need another fix for a while though…
#2: See Ya, Stingray
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“Undefeatable” (1993) This one’s a little different from Godfrey Ho’s signature stuff. For starters, it’s not a cut-and-paste job, and it features certified martial arts legend and badass Cynthia Rothrock in the lead role. Make no mistake, however, “Undefeatable” is still weird, just not poorly made… by Ho’s standards, of course. The final fight is particularly memorable, thanks to the villainous performance of Don Niam as “Stingray.” Niam’s mugging for the camera is kind of iconic, if we’re being honest, and his death scene gets quotably cringy quips from both Rothrock and her co-star John Miller. It’s eye puns galore as Stingray goes for one painful ride, eye-first, on a hook.
#1: Flying Drop Kick
“Godzilla vs. Megalon” (1973) Who better to top this list than the King of the Monsters himself: Godzilla? The G-Man made a killing toning down the gravitas of his films for younger audiences back in the 1960s and ‘70s, with “Godzilla vs. Megalon” featuring one particularly memorable moment. Godzilla and the size-changing robot Jet Jaguar take on the team of Megalon and Gigan, and decide to go all WWE on them. Godzilla gets so excited that he does a flying drop kick as a special attack! So excited, it seems, that he does it twice! Honestly, we could watch this on a loop all day.
