Top 30 Most Hilarious Things Randy Marsh Has Said

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Welcome to WatchMojo and today we’re counting down our picks for the funniest, strangest, and most absurd quotes that Stan’s father has ever uttered.

#30: “We Have That, Stan. It’s Called Friday Night Kegger”

A new kid, Gary, arrives at South Park Elementary and all the kids want Stan to beat him up. When Stan confronts Gary, he’s shocked to find that Gary is really nice. He invites Stan to have dinner with his family later that night. While there, Stan learns that Gary’s family has Family Home Evening where they don’t watch TV but entertain each other by playing music and telling stories. Once Stan returns to his home he asks Randy why they don’t do the same type of activities. Randy insists that they do but call them Friday night kegger. As Stan rightly points out, that’s not family time but good try, Randy.






#29: “Don’t You See? Wall-Mart Isn’t Our Enemy, It’s Our Neighborhood Friend.”

Wall-Mart opens up in South Park and its residents are super excited. Its arrival legitimizes the town and offers really good deals. What they don’t realize at first is that the store is crushing the local economy as no one can compete with Wall-Mart’s low prices. Randy ends up getting a job since you can get an additional discount as an employee. Even though he’d make more money as a geologist, and even though he knows it’s bad to shop there, he just can’t resist the allure of Wall-Mart, giving us this hilarious rationalization.






#28: “I Don't Have Any Change!”

South Park begins to attract the unhoused in large numbers. The town doesn’t know how to deal with the problem but is advised not to give them anything as it could encourage more people to show up. Kyle gives $20 to an unhoused man and soon even more people show up. They all wander around town asking for spare change. While trying to get to work, Randy is asked several times for change. Becoming increasingly panicked, he claims not to have any until he feels bad and gives some to an individual. This only encourages more people to ask for change and he’s comically overrun by people continually asking for change.







#27: “If We’re Still Alive in the Morning, Then We’ll Know We’re Not Dead.”

The townsfolk are in a massive panic when it’s revealed that “Family Guy” is going to air an episode that will depict the Islamic Prophet Muhammad. Everyone takes refuge in the community center but Stan can’t see what the fuss is all about. The episode is reported to be airing that evening and already protests are erupting in different parts of the world in response to “Family Guy”. Uncertain of what exactly will go down people are understandably scared prompting Randy to quip that if they’re alive in the morning, they’ll know they haven’t died, which is, like, super obvious.





#26: “Don’t You Know Every Time You Wave Confederate Flags Around, You Make the Rest of Us Look Stupid?”


Randy and Sharon have their own home renovation show called “White People Renovating Houses”. Randy does the construction and Sharon is responsible for the interior design and decoration. It’s a clear parody of the multitude of house flipping shows on HGTV. While trying to film, Randy is interrupted by a group of rednecks protesting in the street about Amazon’s Alexa and other forms of automation taking their jobs while frequently waving the Confederate flag. Randy confronts them about it and you’d think maybe he’s concerned with their White Nationalism but nope, in a funny twist, he’s concerned people will associate his show with their hatefulness.







#25: “Sup, Witches?”


The week before Halloween is Witch Week, where Randy and several of his buds go up to Sentinel Hill to party. Randy’s at home getting ready before the other witches arrive to pick him up. It may seem like a harmless little event but Sharon isn’t thrilled about it since it’s really just an excuse for everyone to get wasted. She has good reason to be concerned as this year an actual witch is released upon the town. We do, however, get a lighthearted moment when Randy’s ride pulls up. He greets his friends with a fun little, “Sup, Witches” before getting into the car.






#24: “I’m So Startled”


It’s a chaotic scene when Randy steps out of his house to find people running for their lives from gigantic guinea pigs. At the same time he started to videotape all his interactions much to the annoyance of his whole family. In fact, he was about to be chewed out by Sharon before the guinea pigs attacked. While caught in the rampage Randy is filming the entire thing so we get his POV of the carnage. As he tries to run away to safety, he turns the camera on himself and in a deep panic tells us he’s started. That’s the understatement of the year.







#23: “Butterflies Have No Concern for Such Things.”


Stan, Mr. Mackey, and sheep herder, Mr. Yeoman have been identified as hoarders. In order to treat their condition, the three are put into a session of regression therapy to figure out the root cause of the hoarding. Stan and Yeoman get pulled into Mackey’s subconscious where a younger version of Mackey is tormented by a boy named Billy Thompson. Outraged that Stan is trapped in his guidance counselor's mind, Randy decides he’s gonna go in to rescue his son. Once inside the dream world, Randy has become a butterfly. He suddenly no longer wants to help Stan and is humorously carefree






#22: “Winter Is Coming, Sharon, & I’m a Sneaky Little Bee”

Black Friday is a hectic time of year as tons of people flock to stores to try and get deals on products ahead of Christmas. In South Park it’s pretty brutal as people will do almost anything for a discount. In an effort to get ahead of the madness, Randy gets a job at the mall as a security guard. When he’s called out by Sharon, he claims it’s to make some extra cash but she doesn’t buy it. She knows he’s doing it for himself. Undeterred, Randy is gonna go through with his plan and hilariously refers to himself as a little bee.








#21: “They Serve Refreshments, Yes.”


PC Principal and several like minded PC type bros decide to form a fraternity to promote their ideals. They set up a frat house and their loud constant partying is annoying Randy. He decides to go over there to complain but accidentally gets swept up in their pledge drive and fully commits. The next day he’s extremely hung over and is grilled about it by Sharon. He hilariously tries to explain away the hard partying by saying he joined a social awareness group. When she brings up if they serve alcohol, he states they serve refreshments as though he only drank a nice cold glass of lemonade.



#20: “Hey, Sharon!”

By far one of Randy’s most iconic and recurring quotes is, of course, calling for his wife. Whether he’s made a terrible mistake or achieved (what he considers to be) a great accomplishment, one of his go-to moves is to call for Stan’s mother. Randy and his wife often have the most hilarious exchanges in the show, so whenever Randy yells for Sharon we know we’re in for a good time. We’ve heard him say it many, many times throughout the series and it never fails to draw a laugh.

#19: “Time to Show You Some Tegridy!”

Randy’s marijuana business, Tegridy Farms, was the focus of an entire episode in Season 22. When Randy becomes fed up with changes in South Park, he convinces Sharon to sell their home and live on a cannabis farm. But soon after starting his business, he finds out that vaping has grown in popularity. In response, Randy decides to take down a nearby Vape manufacturer and show them the true meaning of Integrity. Randy’s pronunciation of the word integrity all throughout the episode is hilarious and this scene made it all the more memorable.

#18: “God, Why Do the Economically Challenged Always Have to Screw Up Everything?”

When the town receives bad publicity, Randy becomes obsessed with having a Whole Foods Market come to South Park to spruce it up. First, however, the town has to prove to the inspector that it’s worthy. This includes building a luxurious shopping district right around Kenny’s home to give it a rustic feel and attract hipsters. Hearing that the owner of City Wok is using child labor and could ruin his plan, Randy, lets his exact feelings be known. Well, at least he said “economically challenged,” right?

#17: “There Are a Lot of Boobs Out There, Son”

After the boys of South Park notice Bebe’s boobs, they quickly regress into caveman versions of themselves, grunting and fighting for dominance. Randy is quick to realize what’s going on and has to step in and talk to his son about life and the various types of boobs, or “aatta,” that are likely to come and go. Seeing him give his son an abridged version of the birds and the bees talk is hilarious, but what’s even funnier is how Sharon seems to think it’s somehow romantic.

#16: “Celebrate Good Obama, Come On!”

Randy often has his funniest scenes while drunk. When the town learns that Obama won the election, they have a drunken party in the middle of the street, waving signs that read “change” and chugging from kegs. In case you couldn’t tell, the town got really into Obama - but ESPECIALLY Randy. He showcases this by drunkenly stumbling through the street and butchering his own politically-remixed version of “Celebration” by Kool & the Gang, while filling up his beer. Randy really does seem like a college kid trapped in an adult’s body sometimes.

#15: “This Was Something I Made!”

Randy often goes all in on whatever crazy thing he tries, and this held true when he decided to set the record for the biggest crap ever taken. When he narrowly loses the world record for biggest crap to Bono, who’s later revealed to be literal crap himself, it affects Randy far more than it should. Mourning the loss of the record, he expresses his feelings about his creation. What makes this even funnier is the fact that he says it directly to Stan - implying that he was prouder of poop than of his own son.

#14: “We Didn’t Listen!”

When Stan accidentally crashes a boat into the world’s biggest beaver dam, it causes a disastrous chain reaction. The water floods the nearby town of Beaverton, and scientists assume it was the result of global warming. As panic spreads, and people bemoan the fact that they ignored all the warnings, Randy feels compelled to join in while stuck in traffic. The funniest part has to be the fact that he goes through the trouble of rolling down his window, yelling, and rolling it all the way back up.

#13: “I Wish Jaden Smith Was My Son!”

When the kids of South Park learn about salacious true crime shows that feature re-enactments, Stan becomes afraid Randy will kill Sharon if his parents watch it. He blocks the channel with a question that no adult can answer: “How do you tame a horse in Minecraft?” Randy begs Stan to lift the lock, explaining that he would never kill his mom because, of course, he would leave too much evidence and get caught. Stan’s refusal leads Randy to angrily list all the great things about Jaden Smith and what a cooler son he’d be.

#12: “Crème Fraîche”

One of Randy’s most entertaining traits is just how obsessive he gets with his interests, and the fourteenth episode of season fourteen encapsulates this behavior. When Randy gets into cooking, he REALLY gets into it. Randy’s newfound obsession makes him quit his job and work in the boy’s cafeteria, where he creates his own show entitled “Cafeteria Fraiche”. His show is complete with its own intro and theme song, which is basically Randy saying “la la la” and “fraiche” in an accented voice while being somewhat turned on by his own cooking.

#11: “Water & Bread & Margaritas”

When the recession hits South Park, many townspeople take to the streets to preach about the correct path forward, but Randy is the most successful of the bunch. He’s the first to embrace minimalism and spread his “expertise” by preaching about buying only the necessities to the townspeople. While pointing fingers to those who are to blame (Steve), Randy, dressed in a robe reminiscent of ancient times, declares that the townspeople need to cut back on lavish expenses and only buy what they need to survive: food, water, and, of course, alcoholic beverages of the tequila-based variety.

#10: “Stan, I’ve Never Been Able to Say This Before…”

In one of the greatest South Park episodes of all time, the boys become obsessed with taking down an overpowered character in World of Warcraft who’s so strong he can kill Game Masters and Admins. Randy, not to be left out, starts playing the game at work. He’s eventually tasked with an important mission - to deliver the Sword of a Thousand Truths to his son. Dying in-game in the process, Randy delivers a heartfelt speech to Stan over his mic, complete with painful gurgles and death cries...all in the middle of a Best Buy. You have to love his commitment.

#9: “Why Don’t We Have the Players Just Wear Bras?”

One of the funniest things about South Park is how unaware and dense the townsfolk are. This is put on full display after the town bans kickoffs in football to prevent injuries. Randy sarcastically suggests making the sport even safer by adding bras and tinfoil hats … which the townspeople take seriously and make an actual sport - complete with a theme song. Randy continues to suggest more ridiculous ideas, with no one seeming to notice his sarcastic tone. In normal South Park fashion, this joke goes way further than it should, and Randy somehow ends up head coach of the Denver Broncos sarcastaball team.

#8: “I Am Lorde!”

The first time Lorde is introduced in the show is at Stan’s birthday party, where Randy appears to dress up as her. The adults seem to genuinely believe it’s the real Lorde, while the kids have some doubts regarding her singing skills and attractiveness. Randy takes the stage, simply saying that he’s Lorde... again and again. It’s one of Randy’s best moments because it showcases how ridiculous a character he is and the extreme lengths he’ll go to. The show ended up running with the joke and making Randy the actual Lorde in their world, which only makes this quote even better.

#7: “Stanley, You Call Your Friend an Asshole This Instant!”

Joining the Mountain Scouts, the boys are placed in troop number 69 with Big Gay Al as their scoutmaster. Some of the parents are worried about Big Gay Al’s intentions, however, leading to distrust. Unfortunately, the boys have picked up on some of his habits, including his penchant for nicknames. In the car with their parents, Stan calls Cartman a “silly goose”. Cue Randy’s extreme reaction of stomping on the brakes and yelling at his son to call his friend a more… appropriate name? What makes this quote so funny is just how serious Randy is about preferring that Stan cuss his friend out.

#6: “There Was a Ghost!”

Randy has never been a particularly good liar, but some of his attempts at covering up the truth are worse than others. When Randy becomes addicted to a particular solo activity, the town’s internet connection goes out, forcing him and his family to move into an “internet refugee camp.” After sneaking into the computer cabin to get his thrills, the counselors and his family catch him in the act. Never one to admit fault, Randy comes up with the best excuse he can . . . It’s obviously a lie, but that doesn’t stop him from trying.

#5: “Have You Ever Tried Marijuana? Well, Maybe It’s Time”

One of Randy’s signature traits is recommending worse ideas to his son when Stan does something he doesn’t approve of. A prime example comes when the boys start a boy band called “Fingerbang,” which, let’s be honest, is a red flag already. Randy, having personal experience in this domain due his own failed boy band “The Ghetto Avenue Boys,” desperately tries to deter the kids from continuing. He does this by recommending other pastimes instead. Leave it to Randy to recommend his son get into illegal drugs instead of forming a boy band.

#4: “It’s Called a Smorgasvein”

The king of hypocrisy, Randy disapproves of Stan and his grandpa’s new addiction to free mobile games that include micro-transactions. He lectures them on their addictive tendencies while holding firm that his own drinking isn’t a problem because it’s classy. Randy blames the addiction on Stan’s grandpa - even as he circles around to shots of beer and glasses of wine on the table. Stan calls him out on this but Randy shuts him down, defending his own problem by calling it elegant. The best part is him dropping the shot glass in the wine jagerbomb style and chugging it down afterwards. Classic Randy.

#3: “Just Gonna Get a Little Bit of Cancer, Stan”

When South Park gets medical marijuana for the first time, Randy is desperate to get a medical license. But since he needs a condition to get approved for a medical license, he comes up with the “ballsy” plan of giving himself cancer. He tries various methods of self-harm to accomplish this, such as microwaving his balls and frying himself in the sun. When Stan expresses concern and tells him to come inside, Randy reassures him and tells him not to worry. Leave it to Randy to assume that the benefits of having cancer, namely smoking marijuana, outweigh the risks.

#2: “What Seems to Be the Officer, Problem?”

For second place we return to more drunk Randy shenanigans. While the boys attend a karate class, Randy has the idea to go drinking instead of watching. Thoroughly drunk, he decides to drive the boys home - and is pulled over by a cop in the process. As the cop approaches, Randy confidently reassures the children he’s got the situation under control, but proceeds to blow any semblance of sobriety with the first words that come out of his mouth. It was probably the worst thing he could have said, and for that reason, it remains one of the funniest and most iconic Randy quotes.


#1: “I Thought This Was America!”

Drunk Randy also ends up topping our list, this time while attending his son’s little league games. Randy takes it upon himself to be a trash-talking dad who starts drunken brawls in the stands, and trains to be the best fighter he can be. After these fights, Randy is dragged away in handcuffs, bloody and in only his underwear, slurring his words as he yells to the cops about his country’s freedoms. The best part? He does this all over Colorado in different cities, always in his underwear, always bloody, and always exclaiming that he thought this was America.



What’s your favorite quote by Randy Marsh? Let us know in the comments!