Korean Attacks, Trouser Snakes & Tumor-Mail: The Dispatch Ep. 10

Korean Attacks, Trouser Snakes & Tumor-Mail: The Dispatch Ep. 10

Weaponized K-Pop, mail order tumors and literal trouser snakes! Just because you don’t need to know about these stories, doesn’t mean they won’t interest you. Welcome to WatchMojo.com, and this is The Dispatch, where we bring you the internet’s weirdest and coolest stories! This week we’re looking at Korean music wars, tumor deliveries and sneaky pant-stuffers.

#3: The Python Pants Thief

When I want something, my first thought is ‘how can I steal this?’ My second thought is ‘does it fit in my pants?’ That’s not at all true. But, for this Portland man who looks like Ed Hardy dressed him in 2008, that seems to be the case. Surveillance footage shows the suspect walk in, pull the snake out of its snake-tank, and thrust it to his down-belows. Co-Owner of the store Christin Bjugan says that Black Ball Pythons fancy warm, dark places, so “he was probably comfortable in there.” Granted he was face-to-face with a trouser snake, but surely more comfortable than our crotch stuffer – not that we care about his comfort. That being said, we don’t know whether the snake stealer received a few bites for his troubles, but we kinda doubt it. Real recognizes real; snake recognizes snake.

#2: The Case of the Kindle Tumor: Human Edition

UK resident James Potten was likely surprised by the appearance of his brand new e-reader that arrived this week. Instead of the sleek, front-lit display and waterproof design he was expecting, he received a small box with text on it reading “Patient Tumour – Specimen Enclosed.” Potten used deductive reasoning and cunning logic to determine that this Waterfi e-reader wasn’t an e-reader at all, and was in fact a human tumor. Bring on the obligatory Arnie quote. Originally intended for the Royal Free Hospital in London, the package arrived at Potten’s home, undoubtedly a silly mistake by the courier service. Ha, that never happens! Luckily, they swiftly fixed the mistake and Potten received the correct delivery the following Monday. We’re sure he was relieved, as the warm bubble bath and aromatic candles he had prepared in anticipation of his new e-reader probably didn’t pair as nicely with a tumor specimen.

#1: (Korean) Pop Goes The World

Brainwashing has lifted Kim Jong-un’s family to God-like levels as they try to deny western influence on their society. So, when the sugary-sweet sounds of K-Pop come blaring over the border, it complicates things. A low-tech response to North Korea’s non-sanctioned nuclear testing earlier this month, South Korean officials have installed a fleet of loudspeakers along the border that project sound for two to six hours a day. Depending on who has the AUX cord, the broadcasts can consist of weather reports, world news - something you don’t get in North Korea - discussions of democracy and human rights, and the ever-popular K-Pop. Yeah, that’s also not allowed in North Korea either. The hope is that the prolonged exposure to this foreign media will have a transformative effect on North Korean citizens, loosening the state’s influence on them. Feedback from North Korea is minimal. However, there seems to be a call for more cowbell.

So, what other countries could use a blast of K-Pop?
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