Zombie Xmas, Skyping Apes & Bionic Humans: The Dispatch Ep. 7

There’s that one superhero every kid grew up hoping to be: The Bionic Bunny, right? Well at least now you can have bionic eyes! An 8-minute procedure invented by Canadian optometrist Dr Garth Webb can save you a lifetime of squinting and lens cleaning. Called the Ocumetrics Bionic lens, this custom made lens is folded like a taco and inserted into the eye using a saline-filled syringe. It unfolds itself and adjusts within seconds, permanently fixing one’s eyesight. But you were hoping for bionic limbs, right? Too bad! At least another company called Spring Loaded Technology can bring you some “passive bionic devices”. Their Levitation Knee brace serves as a shock absorption system, being marketed to athletes of any level that have suffered from joint or muscular pain. Apparently, it can help you to move like you are 50 to 100 pounds lighter! Surprisingly though, the Levitation Knee Brace is in no way affiliated with Criss Angel.

#2: I’m Dreaming of a Zombie Christmas

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UFO 'Proof', Yukon Denies the D & Zombie Cats: The Dispatch Ep. 12

Frankincense, myrrh, gold and brains! For the second edition of their Zombie themed Nativity Scene, Jasen and Amanda Dixon constructed a display of dead-eyed wise men, spooky Christmas music and a razor-toothed Baby Jesus. It ruffled the tree skirts of some locals though, who left a pamphlet at zombie Jesus’s feet, reading “God frowns upon this manger scene”. Zoning officials in the area were not pleased either and gave the couple a deadline to have the permit-less structure taken down. The Dixons – unconfirmed if related to a Daryl Dixon - opted to ignore the deadline however, calling the display a “wonderful piece of artwork,” that will cost $500 for every day it sits on their lawn. Clearly out of shits to give though, they’ll be collecting donations to improve the structure even more for next year’s display, and to cover any fine faces the zombies may eat. Uh, I mean, cover any fines they might face from the city.

British music legend Peter Gabriel has had a long and prolific career as a front man of Genesis and as a solo artist, so it’s only logical that he takes this next step; teaching chimpanzees how to Internet. It’s part of a project devoted to exploring the remarkable communications skills of intelligent species like apes, dolphins and elephants, and seeing if these skills transfer over to the digital world. You know that feeling when you and bae get separated on a fruit and nut hunt through the jungle? Gabriel, the Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre and Massachussets Institute of Technology might have the solution, as they plan to use Skype to see if the Internet could have benefits to other species. I mean, we already know apes can lay down a sick drum fill, so who’s to say they wouldn’t be total bosses at FaceTiming? I wonder what their memes will be like? How good is their trolling game? So, what other holidays do you want to see zombiefied? If you want to suggest a story or just talk about what you want for Christmas, get involved by tweeting us @TheDispatchWM. And for your weekly dispatch of offbeat news stories and Top 10 lists published every day, be sure to subscribe to WatchMojo.com.