Top 10 Best David Rose Quotes on Schitt's Creek
#10: Shame Eating
“Happy Anniversary”
In the second season finale, the gang all end up at a party at Mutt’s barn that they may or may not have been invited to. David and Stevie end up competing for the affections of a guy named Jake, and when David first interacts with him, he’s enjoying a few snacks on his own and ignoring everyone else at the party. His hilarious self awareness and sheer relatability in this moment is astounding. The fact that the townie didn’t even know what “shame eating” was was just the cherry on top.
#9: One with Nature
"Turkey Shoot"
You might be able to tell within a minute of first meeting him that David Rose is not exactly the outdoorsy type. He has many strengths, but communion with nature is certainly not one of them. That’s what makes this quote so funny. David ends up on Roland’s annual turkey shoot after Stevie invites him as a joke when he’s unable to kill a bug in the motel. Of course, he wants to prove himself and it’s hard to say if this line is said in seriousness or as a tongue-in-cheek remark; but does it even matter?
#8: Job Interview with Johnny
"Don't Worry, It's His Sister"
All four members of the Rose family have a lot of readjusting to do when it comes to their expectations after arriving in Schitt’s Creek. David eventually (horror of horrors) has to get a job and he decides to apply to be a bag boy. When his dad tries to help him prep for his interview, he’s a little more candid than he should be when answering questions. Despite his lack of enthusiasm, he at least gets to try to bag some groceries - but it’s brief, as his dad ultimately ends up costing David the job thanks to constant phone interruptions.
#7: Life Coaching
“Little Sister”
In the first season, Jocelyn approaches David to ask if he can help out with a student at her school. She not-so-subtly implies that because David is part of the LGBTQ community, he’ll be able to relate to the young boy. David whips out his signature snark in response, chastising her for even considering him for such a task. Considering the mistakes we’ve seen David make throughout the show, it makes sense that he’s wary of trying to offer counselling to a struggling teenager—especially one who doesn’t even want it.
#6: His Birthday Plans
“Grad Night”
The rest of the Roses forget David’s birthday in season three, and he decides that he wants to stay home and feel sorry for himself. He is unabashed about his plans, which may seem troubling or relatable, depending on where you’re at in life. Luckily, Patrick convinces him to go out for dinner so that he’s not alone, and the night ends up turning into a pretty important one. David and Patrick share their first kiss after Stevie gives them some alone time. Can you imagine if he missed out on this?
#5: Wrong Things
“Girls’ Night”
After Ted and Alexis’s relationship ends, she has a harder time getting over him than she had originally anticipated. When Moira casually mentions that she saw Ted “canoodling” with an older woman at the cafe, Alexis is obviously rattled. Moira, however, is totally oblivious to her daughter’s emotions, and keeps putting her foot in her mouth again and again. As soon as Alexis leaves (to go for a “run”), David delivers this line, in total shock that his mother could have possibly messed up so many times in such quick succession.
#4: Human Emotion
“Singles Week”
Speaking of Ted and Alexis’s relationship...when Ted goes to David for advice about the situation, David is a bit flummoxed as to why he would confide in him. Despite the fact that he’s close with Alexis, he’s probably right in his hilarious statement that he’s not an expert in “genuine human emotion” - especially considering how much he has suffered romantically. He does still manage to convey some important information to Ted, so even if he doesn’t have much confidence in his abilities to offer emotional support, he’s not actually quite as bad at it as he thinks.
#3: Connections
“The Drip”
Not long after we’re first introduced to the Roses, David makes his intentions in Schitt’s Creek incredibly clear when he delivers this line. Considering his life just underwent a massive upheaval, we can’t say we blame him. One of the most compelling things about David’s character is the fact that he always manages to get close to people despite his best efforts. While he initially seemed closed off to making any new connections, it’s clear by the end of the series that he obviously wasn’t meant to live in solitude.
#2: That Option
“Grad Night”
This line actually precedes the quote in our previous entry about David’s birthday plans. When his parents try to suggest that the family celebrates his birthday along with Alexis’ graduation, David replies with this zinger, totally owning how self-involved he can be. Rather than faking interest in topics that he couldn’t care less about, he’s completely honest about his disinterest - and we can’t help but love him for it. This quote is emblematic of his entire character, showing that he always speaks his mind and doesn’t mince words even if he may be at risk of hurting someone’s feelings. It may be harsh, but hey it’s part of his charm!
Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
A Seasons of “Girls”
“Town for Sale”
A Stiff Drink
"The Drip"
Funky
“Bad Parents”
Like Beyoncé
“Girls’ Night”
Bedazzled
“Opening Night”
#1: Wine vs. Labels
"Honeymoon"
How did David manage to perfectly condense pansexuality into an uncomplicated metaphor about wine? After he and Stevie share an unexpected intimate moment, she tries to subtly inquire about his sexuality as she had previously thought he was gay. She uses the concept of wine to soften the question, asking if he always drinks red or sometimes enjoys white. When David catches on, he delivers this short and succinct monologue explaining that when it comes to relationships, for him it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Now why couldn’t everyone see it so simply?
