Top 10 Funniest Quotes from Classic Hollywood Movies
#10: “I’m hysterical and I’m wet!”
“The Producers” (1967)
It’s so tough to pick out the funniest quote from this classic Mel Brooks directed comedy! But you simply can’t go wrong with this hilarious moment from Gene Wilder’s Leo Bloom– you may even say, [“I’m hysterical”]. As Bloom panics, his partner in crime Bialystock does everything he can to snap him back into shape. He splashes him with water, which, as you might expect, does not improve Leo’s emotional state. The delivery of each line in this scene is nothing short of comedic genius, as Wilder perfectly captures his character’s madness and anxiety.
#9: “Oh, I couldn’t take the last piece.”
“Vivacious Lady” (1938)
Nobody embodied the grit and class of the Old Hollywood dames like Ginger Rogers. This fish-out-of-water romantic comedy finds Ginger playing a nightclub singer who meets and secretly marries a dorky professor, played by James Stewart. Ginger tries her best to fit in with her new husband’s high society family. However, Stewart’s snooty and jealous fiancée, played by Frances Mercer, threatens to give the new girl on the block a piece of her mind. Roger’s response is priceless, igniting their battle of wits into an actual battle.
#8: “It must’ve been tough on your mother not having any children.”
“42nd Street” (1933)
Ginger Rogers earns another spot on our list, this time for playing the cheeky Anytime Annie, a chorus girl jockeying for position in the cutthroat world of Broadway. In this classic backstage musical, every woman who isn’t a friend is a bitter enemy. That’s the case here when Annie and her pal Lorraine are having a laugh over their affected hoity-toity accents. When a backstage rival makes a snide comment, Annie replies with this timeless zinger. It’s clever, biting, and devastating. Let’s just say we’re glad we’ll never be on the receiving end of Rogers’ razor-sharp insults.
#7: “She looked better than you do now!”
“The Man Who Came to Dinner” (1942)
A rude dinner guest is bad enough, but imagine if they were staying for weeks. That’s the situation for one unfortunate family in this 1942 adaptation of the hit Broadway play. After breaking his hip on the Stanley family’s front stoop, Sheridan Whiteside, played by Monty Woolley, demands to recuperate in their living room. Whiteside subjects them to the most venomous wisecracks the Hays Code would allow. He saves his best insults–or worst, depending on how you look at it–for his poor nurse, Miss Preen. When she chides him for eating candy, he launches into a drawn-out monologue about his Great Aunt Jennifer, who ate a box of candy every day ... Monty Woolley could have taught a masterclass on landing a punchline.
#6: “He didn’t come anywhere near my tabloids.”
“The Thin Man” (1934)
When they’re not solving mysteries together, the super chic, wealthy Nick and Nora Charles are trading quips and downing martinis. On Christmas morning, as they unwrap presents and discuss their run-in with a gunman the night before, the subject turns to the press coverage of the event. Let’s just say it doesn’t take a genius to understand the wordplay going on here. By 1934, the Hays Code prohibiting obscenity had taken effect in Hollywood, and writers had to find increasingly clever ways to say things without actually saying them. In a weird way, it sometimes made the dirty jokes feel even more scandalous.
#5: “Well sometimes, there’s just no other possible explanation.”
“Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” (1953)
Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell star in this classic musical comedy as two single, globetrotting nightclub performers on a transatlantic cruise. As the slightly dim, but good-hearted blonde Lorelei Lee, Monroe is fascinated by a rich woman’s diamond tiara. Her friend, Dorothy, a sassy brunette, is amused when Lorelei doesn’t realize that tiaras are meant to be worn on your head - not around your neck. Lorelei's disbelief prompts Dorothy's gem of a one-liner. It’s Lorelei’s indignance, coupled with Dorothy’s complete exasperation at her friend that makes their on-screen friendship (and dialogues) so believable and hilarious.
#4: “That’s something you need never worry about.”
“Dinner at Eight” (1933)
Jean Harlow was one of MGM’s biggest stars and one of American film’s first “blonde bombshells.” In the classic comedy, “Dinner at Eight,” Harlow plays a gold-digging platinum blonde who finds herself the butt of many a joke amongst the high-society world she’s married into. The final scene sees her telling a society matron about a book she read, which predicts machinery will take the place of every human profession. The matron eyes her up and down before responding … Once again, sometimes classic Hollywood movies just said it better without saying it at all.
#3: “Well, nobody’s perfect.”
“Some Like It Hot” (1959)
An audience more savvy to problematic tropes in pop culture might cringe at the thought of “Some Like It Hot” today. A comedy about two male jazz musicians who disguise themselves as women after they witness a mob hit, the movie has plenty of potentially offensive landmines to avoid. Modern viewers may debate how successfully it does that, but it’s the final scene that is surprisingly fun. As the movie comes to an end, star Jack Lemmon tries to talk his way out of his engagement to Osgood Fielding, the man who’s fallen in love with him. No matter what reason he gives, Osgood is unbothered, until finally Lemmon reveals his true identity, leading to one of the most unexpected endings of a classic comedy.
#2: “Chicolini may talk like an idiot…”
"Duck Soup" (1933)
The Marx Brothers were early Hollywood’s most influential funny guys, bringing their unique, fast-paced, and punny sense of humor to every single comedy they made together. You could make an entire list like this for Groucho Marx quotes alone. In 1933’s “Duck Soup,” Groucho plays a crooked president who catches a dimwitted spy in his administration, played by his brother Chico Marx. During Chico’s trial, Groucho lands what may be one of his simplest and effective bait-and-switch jokes. We mean, why settle for just calling someone an idiot when you can really twist the knife?
Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
“I’m not one of you anemic creatures…”, “The Great Lie” (1941)
Mary Astor Has a Few Thoughts About Dieting in This 1941 Drama
“You’re going bald,” “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” (1966)
Real-Life Married Couple Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton Tear Each Other Apart
“His grandfather was a snake,” “His Girl Friday” (1940)
Rosalind Russell Has Some Choice Words About Cary Grant’s Charm
#1: “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!”
“Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb” (1964)
Yes, it’s about nuclear war, but it’s also hilarious. While the U.S. president and his band of kooky politicians and war-hungry generals attempt to stop armageddon, a fight breaks out between a general and an accused Russian spy. The president, played by comedic powerhouse Peter Sellers, breaks it up by shouting one of the most ironic lines in film history. In just one moment, master director Stanley Kubrick and his co-writers manage to find the irony in mutually-assured destruction, pointing out the folly of the Cold War and the insanity that nuclear weapons represent.
What classic Hollywood quote still makes you laugh out loud? Drop your fave one-liner in the comments!
