Top 10 Improvised or Makeshift Weapons In Video Games

Mom always warned you not to play with plastic bags, and in Manhunt we find out why—because it’s hard to fight back if you can’t breathe! Manhunt has been accused of being a “murder simulator” and blamed for inspiring a real-life murder in England. The plastic bag is probably the least bloody of all the executions, as all you do is sneak up behind the enemy, slip the bag over their head and hold it there until they suffocate—which in video game time is about nine seconds.

Eat your heart out, Indiana Jones! The head whip in Earthworm Jim is exactly what it sounds like—Jim’s head, in addition to being a jump rope, is a loud lash that can take out snowmen and cause a refrigerator to fall and launch a cow into space. Why a fridge is hanging over the path and what the cow has to do with anything besides crushing Princess What’s-Her-Name is unclear, but the head whip does its job—if a whip were alive, wearing a spacesuit, fighting Queen Slug-for-a-Butt or a giant hamster drawn at three in the morning, and on steroids.

Sure, the purple double-headed dildo you find in the police station bathroom in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas is an effective weapon, but the Penetrator in Saint’s Row: The Third is a weapon that makes very little sense—it’s a three-foot long dick attached to a baseball bat handle with the physics of a jelly dildo. There are three ways to get it—buy it for $500 at a store like a normal pervert, earn it by kicking a mascot’s ass on medium or hard—oh-so-hard--difficulty, or as a reward for completing a mission. The Penetrator also appears in Saints Row IV, and combining its swing with super strength yields some pretty hilarious results

Slimy little hipster! You can’t handle my wasabi beats! (Show Final Boss) The Splat Roller is a giant paint roller that can paint turf, shoot ink at enemies, or return projectiles as a cross between a baseball bat and a tennis racket. Although it’s designed to claim turf and not be used as a weapon, it’s wide splash radius and ability roll over enemies faster than Chamillionaire’s greatest single makes it ideal for close range surprises. The Splat Roller is outranged by the Inkbrush, and if you try to run over another character who also has a Splat Roller you’ll both be splatted.

Only in a post-apocalyptic world nicknamed “awesomepocalypse” can you have a gun that fires 50+ vinyl records and no one asks what the hell you’re smoking. Hi-Fidelity does just that, destroying mutant Overcharge Drinkers, gang members, and the standard evil corporation that screwed up the whole world’s robots with the smoothness of a Michael Jackson dance-off to “Thriller.” The second gun you acquire in the game, it’s also the easiest mission in the game—all you have to do is switch from your old gun. That was the test? You fuckin’ nailed it! Now comes the part where the mutants swarm you and the mentor does nothing but silently judge you after summoning the enemies.

Did anyone get the license number on that sword? The Bumper Sword in Fallout: New Vegas is an actual car bumper, complete with license plate and an exhaust pipe as a handle. Survival is difficult in the post-nuclear Mojave Desert, and some of its inhabitants are a little screwy, including an army of invisible paranoid mutants that carry these improvised blades as a weapon. Now all you need is a stop sign as a shield. It can deal 1495 hits before breaking—funny, my bumper shatters if you breathe on it funny. Must’ve been a Buick.

Okay, so you’ve flooded the world by killing Poseidon, killed off all plant life by killing Hera, what could possibly go wrong if you kill Helios the sun god—besides a permanently black sky? Well, for one thing, you get a weapon that can blind your enemies—even if those enemies are skeletons that have no eyes. Sure, Kratos could use the Blades of Exile to decapitate Helios and get ahead in life, but why do that when you can just rip it off? The Head of Helios also has use as a lantern and can reveal hidden doorways—let’s see the head of Jebediah Springfield do that!

“I live … again! … And when you get to Hell, tell them I sent you. You can get a group discount.” No one’s certain when this game takes place, as the protagonist is an undead Wild West gunslinger battling through areas influenced by World War I, the 1930s, and the 1940s to get revenge on an obscure Slavic god from the 1200s. Some weapons are guns useful for taking down zombies and cultists, but the spray can with a zippo lighter is pretty much a do-it-yourself flamethrower. It’s not the only weapon in the game that involves fire, but it is the only one that allows for a continuous burst of flames. Don’t try this at home, kids.

The plasma cutter was never designed to be a weapon, but try making fun of Isaac Clarke when he’s holding a space-age nail gun to your forehead. Actually, that might not work, because when it comes to Necromorphs, “Cut off their limbs!” The plasma cutter is a converted mining tool that excels at vertical and horizontal dismemberment, but the real question here is, why would you allow an undead alien to get that close to you? What can we say—it’s a horror game, which means everyone but the main character dies a horrific death with emo music blaring in the background. That and the bad guy is still alive at the end.

Now before we unveil our top pick, let’s look at a few honorable mentions.

Umbrella
“Kirby” series (1992-)

Plunger
“Hitman: Absolution” (2012)

Wirt’s Leg
“Diablo 2” (2000)

What can you say about a game where a wheelchair with a battery is a makeshift tank? In the Dead Rising series, literally everything is a weapon, and you can combine weapons to form more weapons. If you can think of it and locate the plans, you can use it as a weapon. Take the lead pipe and add chemicals for the “Pukes of Hazard”. Create the “Chop and Talk” with a video game console and a battleaxe. Go Darth Maul by combining a machete and a katana. Just about anything can take out the horde of zombies heading toward you—no matter how bizarre.

Do you agree with our list? What are your favorite improvised video game weapons? For more creative Top Tens posted daily, subscribe to WatchMojo.com.