Top 10 Most Ridiculous Things That Happened on Riverdale

Right from the start, the creators of “Riverdale” were making it clear that this wasn’t the wholesome town you remembered from the comics. While this storyline got dropped fairly early on, at the beginning of the Who Killed Jason Blossom arc, we see that Archie spent the summer engaging in a little extra-curricular activity. The scandalous pairing was a far-cry from the original happy-go-lucky characters and for viewers a huge “What?” moment. Additionally, seeing as they don’t follow the storyline very far as well as the character of Ms. Grundy herself before retiring them, it seemed sort of pointless and silly.

This is pretty par for the course when it comes to teenage shows, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that teenagers just don't talk like this. Everyone seems to have a witty line waiting and everything is always so serious! Not only do they never seem to attend class, but they also seem unable to relax. Granted, with cults, murderers and ancient maple syrup blood feuds to deal with, Riverdale isn’t exactly a normal town (as Jughead will remind audiences about around once an episode), but don’t you think they’d like just one day to chill, laugh over memes, share vines, compare crushes, and tell dirty jokes – you know, teenage stuff?

Season two is all about the Black Hood, a masked assailant terrorizing the town. Because Riverdale PD apparently couldn’t investigate its way out of a paper bag, the teenagers of the town decide to take matters into their own hands. Archie establishes a vigilante group … a topless vigilante group. Seemingly, the Red Circle blew their entire costume budget on those red ski masks. This would have been odd enough just based on description alone, but it’s the threatening video that makes this truly incredible. Trying to keep a straight face while apparently reciting b-roll of rejected Liam Neeson’s lines from “Taken,” poor Archie displays why costumed vigilante justice is best left to the comics: It’s ludicrous.

In a bid to pay off some shady clients, Veronica and Reggie hatch a plan to get some cash fast by stealing it … from Reggie’s dad. Going full-criminal, things hit the fan when Reggie is shot. Luckily it’s just a graze and he’s, like, really strong so they eschew the hospital for a cozy spot in Ronnie’s speakeasy (more on that later). Seriously, kid gets shot and literally decides to walk it off. Season three really gives zero effs, and goes to great lengths to demonstrate that.

After breaking up with Jughead, Betty takes advice from her supposed long-lost half-brother and starts secretly cam-girling from her bedroom. We got a glimpse of this sexually aggressive “Dark Betty” earlier, when back in season one she decided to teach Chuck a lesson by adopting the black wig, pinning him in a hot tub, and turning up the heat. ‘Riverdale’ the show and the Archie comics are wildly different, but its use of the well-known characters still affects the way the audience takes it all in. Dark Betty seems very out-of-nowhere, and such a far cry from the fresh-faced girl next door of the comics. You can’t help but shake your head and ask “Why?” … before quickly loading up the next episode.

On a characteristically dark night in Riverdale, a group of gangsters roll into town for a high-stakes poker game at Pop Tate’s (um, yeah, the local milkshake bar). One of the gangsters is notorious Quebec mobster: Paul "Poppa Poutine" Boucher. While Canadian viewers collectively laughed themselves to the floor, Poppa orders, what else, poutine. The brown sauce really hits the fan when it arrives with shaved cheese, not cheese curds, on top. Granted, this is basically a hangable offense, but come on, eh?! Poppa Poutine!? Even sillier, his son is “Small Fry.” We can’t wait to meet his daughter “Gravy” and his nephew “Cheese Curd.”

The characters of Riverdale get away with a lot; the kids basically run the town. So maybe it shouldn’t be so surprising, but it is still a headscratcher when Veronica opens a speakeasy called La Bonne Nuit. Located under Pop Tate’s restaurant, not only is the establishment run by a teenager, but it’s also a dry speakeasy (so, the exact opposite of how a speakeasy operates). When did she have time to build and decorate the restaurant’s basement so lavishly, let alone hire bouncers, bartenders, and dancers? Does no one go to school in this town anymore? With non-canonical townsfolk and police this oblivious, it’s incredible Jughead (or anyone) ever considered this town “normal.”

Season three goes all out when it comes to insane plot lines. Not only is Riverdale rife with murder, gangs, and masked aggressors, but it also harbors dark, vaguely occult secrets. People begin dying around the same time that word of a local cult surfaces, and it turns out they’re linked to … a Dungeons and Dragons-esqe game? Turns out years earlier, the parents of the town also played “Gryphons and Gargoyles” with a so-called Gargoyle King and experienced similar, cultist murders. Everyone who plays the game gets really, really into it. This would almost be a neat idea, but in a show where the drama is supposed to be more-or-less grounded in reality, it’s so big and fantastical for a third season arc that it makes your head spin.

Archie gets arrested and sent to perhaps the worst correctional youth facility ever. Not only do the guards force certain inmates to engage in underground boxing matches, but it uses medieval punitive measures like branding! Call your lawyer, Archie! But, no, instead he and his friends decide that the best plan is to bust out. Nothing like living on the lam for the remainder of your life. Who doesn’t love a little melodrama (honestly, it probably makes up for half the reason people love this show)? But it does make you wonder how this town operates at all! Maybe it’s for the best that the adults and law enforcement are useless in Riverdale; at least the kids are creative problem-solvers.

Before we unveil our number one pick, here are a few honorable mentions:

Veronica as ‘Monica Posh’

Veronica's Mimosa

Cheerleaders Perform at the Leopold and Loeb Juvenile Detention Center

Jughead & Veronica Kiss (Because Betty & Archie Did?!)

The Southside Serpents Save the Coopers

To prove her love and loyalty to Jughead, Betty – an underaged girl – decides that she’s going to go through with the initiation for the Serpent gang: a striptease in a biker bar. Weirder and creepier, it’s in front of her mom. As jaw-droppingly wtf as this moment is, her song of choice is Gary Jules’ version of “Mad World”. Designed to tug at the heartstrings (we think?), this moment is just so bizarre that it does a 180 from sad or shocking to just ludicrous. But hey, it’s Riverdale, and if you’re surprised by anything this far in, then you might be watching it wrong.