Top 10 Worst Things Eric Cartman Ever Has Ever Done
If you think you know some bratty kids, you've never met this fat little devil. Welcome to WatchMojo.com, and today we're counting down our picks for the Top 10 Worst Things Eric Cartman Ever Did.
For this list, we're showcasing some of the worst deeds this monster of the “South Park” schoolyard has ever committed - whether intentionally for his own benefit, or just as an unhappy accident. Since some of Cartman's acts can be extreme, we're adding a mature tag just to be safe. Also, if you haven't been keeping up with “South Park,” expect spoilers ahead.
If you think you know some bratty kids, you’ve never met this fat little devil. Welcome to WatchMojo.com, and today we’re counting down our picks for the Top 10 Worst Things Eric Cartman Ever Did.
For this list, we’re showcasing some of the worst deeds this monster of the “South Park” schoolyard has ever committed - whether intentionally for his own benefit, or just as an unhappy accident. Since some of Cartman’s acts can be extreme, we’re adding a mature tag just to be safe. Also, if you haven’t been keeping up with “South Park,” expect spoilers ahead.
#10: He Made Crack Baby Videos
“Crack Baby Athletic Association”
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The thought of CARTMAN doing VOLUNTEER work at the hospital sounds suspicious… and that’s because it is. Turns out he and a few classmates are filming videos of crack babies fighting over a ball of cocaine, posting a huge profit, and planning to make a deal with EA Sports to have this so-called “sport” licensed. He rigs the system so that he makes all the money, while his infant “slaves” don’t take home a dime – he’ll even try to recruit more players by offering crack to pregnant mothers… and what’s even more shocking – Kyle actually goes along with all this. In the end, however, Cartman gets flimflammed out of his business by EA Sports, and is left rightfully penniless.
#9: He Drank Kenny’s Ashes
“A Ladder to Heaven”
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Stan, Kyle, and Cartman try to find a ticket stub for a candy-shopping spree, but it turns out Kenny had the ticket… and he’s dead and cremated. Cartman confuses Kenny’s ashes for a chocolate milk mix and drinks it... and then fills the urn with kitty litter. Cartman is naturally shocked and outraged… until he gets hit on the head and starts having visions that lead the boys to their coveted prize. While this was more of a dumb mistake than an evil deed, Cartman’s used Kenny more than enough times for this to be quite a fitting punishment. In the end, the fat ass has to live with Kenny possessing him for the next few episodes.
#8: He Killed Hippies
“Die Hippie, Die”
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The only people Cartman hates more than the Jews are hippies – so much so that he acts as an exterminator, driving them out of the neighborhood, and locking them in his basement. He thinks that hippies will overtake the town. Naturally, he gets shrugged off and thrown in jail for keeping them hostage. In a bitter twist, he’s actually right about the takeover, and the town has to beg him for help. Cartman’s solution: drive a giant drill through a crowd of hippies, and chase the rest away with death metal music. While he DID save the day, it only shows how fast he’s willing to murder without a second thought.
#7: He Faked Tourette’s Syndrome
“Le Petit Tourette”
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When Cartman learns about Tourette’s syndrome, he thinks he’s found a golden ticket. He starts claiming to have Tourette’s so he can shout all the obscenities he wants, and he only gets sympathetic praises for it, while Kyle gets grief for actually calling him out. It’s all a big game for Cartman, and he plans to go all-out on national television. However, after going so long without a filter, he starts blurting out embarrassing and personal secrets about himself, and he can’t back out of the show now. He learns too little too late about the trouble with faking a disorder – as well as the benefit of having a filter – but lucky for him, Kyle inadvertently saves his life.
#6: He Debated Having Kenny Killed for His PSP
“Best Friends Forever”
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Kenny has just bought the Sony PSP Cartman craves, but he’s so invested in it, he gets hit by a truck. He leaves Cartman the PSP in his will, but Kenny’s in a vegetative state – meaning that, until he ACTUALLY dies, no PSP for Cartman. Desperate to claim the gaming system, Cartman goes over everyone’s heads to have them unplug Kenny, but Stan and Kyle stand in his way. Sadly, this Terry Schiavo-inspired debate ends in Cartman’s favor – they pull the plug, and Kenny passes on… again. But, while Cartman gets his way, he may’ve inadvertently done Kenny a favor. This bittersweet ending makes you wonder – why are the boys friends with Cartman at all?
#5: He Became the New Hitler
“The Passion of the Jew”
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Considering how many Jewish jokes he cracks, it’s surprising this didn’t happen sooner. After watching Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ,” Kyle admits three fateful words to Cartman: “You were right.” Stricken by hateful inspiration, Cartman dons the attire of a certain Nazi leader, and rallies some unsuspecting fans of the movie to partake in his new campaign – they think he wants to spread the word of Christianity, but we know his TRUE intentions. He and his new followers march through the streets, chanting in German about exterminating the Jews. Fortunately, this story has a happy ending – Cartman’s cause is lost when his recruits realize that Mel Gibson is… just plain daffy.
#4: He Faked His Way into the Special Olympics
“Up the Down Steroid”
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When Jimmy and Timmy announce they’ll be competing in the Special Olympics, Cartman naturally laughs it off… until he learns that the prize is $1,000. Afterwards, he goes out of his way to study the contestants so that he can pose as a mentally handicapped kid – but a method actor, Cartman is not. He tricks his mom into signing him up, and he’s ready to win… or so he thinks. What he doesn’t realize is that the “handicaps” all have something he’ll never have – actual athletic prowess. Not only does Cartman not win… he comes in dead last in every event. Oh the hilarious irony.
#3: He Went on a Killing Spree with Cthulhu
“Coon and Friends” trilogy
Once again, the boys don their superhero attire and band together to form “Coon & Friends.” However, after one too many selfish acts, the others kick Cartman/Coon out of the club, but keep the name. He could just apologize and admit he was wrong, but since it’s Cartman, he instead manipulates the rampaging dark lord Cthulhu into teaming up with him to go on a massive killing spree. Using his kitten-like adorableness, he persuades the Lovecraftian monster to send his former friends to oblivion, and lay waste to synagogues, hippies, and even Justin Bieber. He’s so convinced he’s doing the right thing, but he’s actually just turned a simple game of superheroes into a genocidal calamity.
#2: He Gave Kyle HIV
“Tonsil Trouble”
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Due to a freak accident during his tonsillectomy, Cartman gets infected with HIV. No one sees it as a big deal… except Kyle, who can’t stop laughing at how karma got him back. Unfortunately, Cartman gets both mad AND even – he sneaks into Kyle’s house at night, and drops a bit of his blood into Kyle’s mouth – infecting him with the virus as well. With Kyle threatening to smash his Xbox, the two “friends” journey to find a cure, which turns out to be money. Kind of an anticlimactic ending, but this incident just goes to show how vindictive Cartman is: he intentionally gave someone a disease JUST because they laughed at him. And, honestly, can you really blame Kyle?
Before we reveal Cartman’s most despicable deed, here are a few honorable mentions.
- He Abused His Yelp Status
“You’re Not Yelping”
- He Got Butters Sent to a Gay Reformation Camp
“Cartman Sucks”
- He Sold Stem Cells to Clone a Shakey’s Pizza
“Kenny Dies”
#1: He Went Overboard Getting Revenge on Scott Tenorman
“Scott Tenorman Must Die”
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Eighth grader Scott Tenorman hoodwinks Cartman and then humiliates him. At first, it looks like Cartman’s revenge will be some harebrained trap – training a pony to attack him at a chili festival. But when the two start eating chili, Cartman drops the bomb: he knew Scott would find out about the original plan – after all, Stan and Kyle ratted him out – so he hatched an even more elaborate plan… one that involved getting Scott’s parents murdered. And that’s not even the WORST part: Cartman tricks Scott into EATING his own parents, humiliates him in front of his favorite band, and literally drinks the eighth grader’s tears – cementing his evolution into a spiteful, Machiavellian monster.
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