Top 20 Most Hilarious Things Randy Marsh Has Said

Various
By far one of Randy’s most iconic and recurring quotes is, of course, calling for his wife. Whether he’s made a terrible mistake or achieved (what he considers to be) a great accomplishment, one of his go-to moves is to call for Stan’s mother. Randy and his wife often have the most hilarious exchanges in the show, so whenever Randy yells for Sharon we know we’re in for a good time. We’ve heard him say it many, many times throughout the series and it never fails to draw a laugh.

“Tegridy Farms”
Randy’s marijuana business, Tegridy Farms, was the focus of an entire episode in Season 22. When Randy becomes fed up with changes in South Park, he convinces Sharon to sell their home and live on a cannabis farm. But soon after starting his business, he finds out that vaping has grown in popularity. In response, Randy decides to take down a nearby Vape manufacturer and show them the true meaning of Integrity. Randy’s pronunciation of the word integrity all throughout the episode is hilarious and this scene made it all the more memorable.

“The City Part of Town”
When the town receives bad publicity, Randy becomes obsessed with having a Whole Foods Market come to South Park to spruce it up. First, however, the town has to prove to the inspector that it’s worthy. This includes building a luxurious shopping district right around Kenny’s home to give it a rustic feel and attract hipsters. Hearing that the owner of City Wok is using child labor and could ruin his plan, Randy, lets his exact feelings be known. Well, at least he said “economically challenged,” right?

“Bebe’s Boobs Destroy Society”
After the boys of South Park notice Bebe’s boobs, they quickly regress into caveman versions of themselves, grunting and fighting for dominance. Randy is quick to realize what’s going on and has to step in and talk to his son about life and the various types of boobs, or “aatta,” that are likely to come and go. Seeing him give his son an abridged version of the birds and the bees talk is hilarious, but what’s even funnier is how Sharon seems to think it’s somehow romantic.

“About Last Night…”
Randy often has his funniest scenes while drunk. When the town learns that Obama won the election, they have a drunken party in the middle of the street, waving signs that read “change” and chugging from kegs. In case you couldn’t tell, the town got really into Obama - but ESPECIALLY Randy. He showcases this by drunkenly stumbling through the street and butchering his own politically-remixed version of “Celebration” by Kool & the Gang, while filling up his beer. Randy really does seem like a college kid trapped in an adult’s body sometimes.

“More Crap”
Randy often goes all in on whatever crazy thing he tries, and this held true when he decided to set the record for the biggest crap ever taken. When he narrowly loses the world record for biggest crap to Bono, who’s later revealed to be literal crap himself, it affects Randy far more than it should. Mourning the loss of the record, he expresses his feelings about his creation. What makes this even funnier is the fact that he says it directly to Stan - implying that he was prouder of poop than of his own son.

“Two Days Before The Day After Tomorrow”
When Stan accidentally crashes a boat into the world’s biggest beaver dam, it causes a disastrous chain reaction. The water floods the nearby town of Beaverton, and scientists assume it was the result of global warming. As panic spreads, and people bemoan the fact that they ignored all the warnings, Randy feels compelled to join in while stuck in traffic. The funniest part has to be the fact that he goes through the trouble of rolling down his window, yelling, and rolling it all the way back up.

“Informative Murder Porn”
When the kids of South Park learn about salacious true crime shows that feature re-enactments, Stan becomes afraid Randy will kill Sharon if his parents watch it. He blocks the channel with a question that no adult can answer: “How do you tame a horse in Minecraft?” Randy begs Stan to lift the lock, explaining that he would never kill his mom because, of course, he would leave too much evidence and get caught. Stan’s refusal leads Randy to angrily list all the great things about Jaden Smith and what a cooler son he’d be.

“Crème Fraîche”
One of Randy’s most entertaining traits is just how obsessive he gets with his interests, and the fourteenth episode of season fourteen encapsulates this behavior. When Randy gets into cooking, he REALLY gets into it. Randy’s newfound obsession makes him quit his job and work in the boy’s cafeteria, where he creates his own show entitled “Cafeteria Fraiche”. His show is complete with its own intro and theme song, which is basically Randy saying “la la la” and “fraiche” in an accented voice while being somewhat turned on by his own cooking.

“Margaritaville”
When the recession hits South Park, many townspeople take to the streets to preach about the correct path forward, but Randy is the most successful of the bunch. He’s the first to embrace minimalism and spread his “expertise” by preaching about buying only the necessities to the townspeople. While pointing fingers to those who are to blame (Steve), Randy, dressed in a robe reminiscent of ancient times, declares that the townspeople need to cut back on lavish expenses and only buy what they need to survive: food, water, and, of course, alcoholic beverages of the tequila-based variety.

“Make Love, Not Warcraft”
In one of the greatest South Park episodes of all time, the boys become obsessed with taking down an overpowered character in World of Warcraft who’s so strong he can kill Game Masters and Admins. Randy, not to be left out, starts playing the game at work. He’s eventually tasked with an important mission - to deliver The Sword of a Thousand Truths to his son. Dying in-game in the process, Randy delivers a heartfelt speech to Stan over his mic, complete with painful gurgles and death cries...all in the middle of a Best Buy. You have to love his commitment.

“Sarcastaball”
One of the funniest things about South Park is how unaware and dense the townsfolk are. This is put on full display after the town bans kickoffs in football to prevent injuries. Randy sarcastically suggests making the sport even safer by adding bras and tinfoil hats … which the townspeople take seriously and make an actual sport - complete with a theme song. Randy continues to suggest more ridiculous ideas, with no one seeming to notice his sarcastic tone. In normal South Park fashion, this joke goes way further than it should, and Randy somehow ends up head coach of the Denver Broncos sarcastaball team.

“Gluten Free Ebola”
The first time Lorde is introduced in the show is at Stan’s birthday party, where Randy appears to dress up as her. The adults seem to genuinely believe it’s the real Lorde, while the kids have some doubts regarding her singing skills and attractiveness. Randy takes the stage, simply saying that he’s Lorde... again and again. It’s one of Randy’s best moments because it showcases how ridiculous a character he is and the extreme lengths he’ll go to. The show ended up running with the joke and making Randy the actual Lorde in their world, which only makes this quote even better.

“Cripple Fight”
Joining the Mountain Scouts, the boys are placed in troop number 69 with Big Gay Al as their scoutmaster. Some of the parents are worried about Big Gay Al’s intentions, however, leading to distrust. Unfortunately, the boys have picked up on some of his habits, including his penchant for nicknames. In the car with their parents, Stan calls Cartman a “silly goose”. Cue Randy’s extreme reaction of stomping on the brakes and yelling at his son to call his friend a more… appropriate name? What makes this quote so funny is just how serious Randy is about preferring that Stan cuss his friend out.

“Over Logging”
Randy has never been a particularly good liar, but some of his attempts at covering up the truth are worse than others. When Randy becomes addicted to a particular solo activity, the town’s internet connection goes out, forcing him and his family to move into an “internet refugee camp.” After sneaking into the computer cabin to get his thrills, the counselors and his family catch him in the act. Never one to admit fault, Randy comes up with the best excuse he can . . . It’s obviously a lie, but that doesn’t stop him from trying.

“Something You Can Do With Your Finger”
One of Randy’s signature traits is recommending worse ideas to his son when Stan does something he doesn’t approve of. A prime example comes when the boys start a boy band called “Fingerbang,” which, let’s be honest, is a red flag already. Randy, having personal experience in this domain due his own failed boy band “The Ghetto Avenue Boys,” desperately tries to deter the kids from continuing. He does this by recommending other pastimes instead. Leave it to Randy to recommend his son get into illegal drugs instead of forming a boy band.

“Freemium Isn’t Free”
The king of hypocrisy, Randy disapproves of Stan and his grandpa’s new addiction to free mobile games that include micro-transactions. He lectures them on their addictive tendencies while holding firm that his own drinking isn’t a problem because it’s classy. Randy blames the addiction on Stan’s grandpa - even as he circles around to shots of beer and glasses of wine on the table. Stan calls him out on this but Randy shuts him down, defending his own problem by calling it elegant. The best part is him dropping the shot glass in the wine jagerbomb style and chugging it down afterwards. Classic Randy.

“Medicinal Fried Chicken”
When South Park gets medical marijuana for the first time, Randy is desperate to get a medical license. But since he needs a condition to get approved for a medical license, he comes up with the “ballsy” plan of giving himself cancer. He tries various methods of self-harm to accomplish this, such as microwaving his balls and frying himself in the sun. When Stan expresses concern and tells him to come inside, Randy reassures him and tells him not to worry. Leave it to Randy to assume that the benefits of having cancer, namely smoking marijuana, outweigh the risks.

“Bloody Mary”
For second place we return to more drunk Randy shenanigans. While the boys attend a karate class, Randy has the idea to go drinking instead of watching. Thoroughly drunk, he decides to drive the boys home - and is pulled over by a cop in the process. As the cop approaches, Randy confidently reassures the children he’s got the situation under control, but proceeds to blow any semblance of sobriety with the first words that come out of his mouth. It was probably the worst thing he could have said, and for that reason, it remains one of the funniest and most iconic Randy quotes.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

“We Have That, Stan. It’s Called a Friday Night Kegger”
“All About Mormons”

“I Don’t Have Any Change!”
“Night of the Living Homeless”

“Sup, Witches?”
“Sons a Witches”

“The Losing Edge”
Drunk Randy also ends up topping our list, this time while attending his son’s little league games. Randy takes it upon himself to be a trash-talking dad who starts drunken brawls in the stands, and trains to be the best fighter he can be. After these fights, Randy is dragged away in handcuffs, bloody and in only his underwear, slurring his words as he yells to the cops about his country’s freedoms. The best part? He does this all over Colorado in different cities, always in his underwear, always bloody, and always exclaiming that he thought this was America.