Top 10 Worst Things That Happened to Stewie Griffin

What the deuce?! Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’ll be counting down our picks for the Top 10 Worst Things to Happen to Stewie Griffin From Family Guy.

For this list, we’ll be looking at the most terrible, awful things ever to happen to this seminal character, often at the hands of his friends and family.

Anyone who’s been sunburned before knows just how painful it can be, but it probably wasn’t worse than what happened to Stewie. When Stewie forgets to put on sunscreen, he experiences getting a tan for the first time, and immediately becomes obsessed with it. He becomes so addicted that he starts tanning every day in his very own tanning bed. But when he accidentally falls asleep during one of his sessions, he wakes up terribly sunburned. His entire body is red, and he can barely move. You can practically feel his skin sizzling. It's so bad he even has a skin cancer scare.

Stewie gets upset when a woman at the grocery store mistakes him for a girl. So naturally, he begins overcompensating and decides to join a football team. Stewie is noticeably smaller than the other kids, but insists on being put in the game, despite the coach’s warnings that he will get destroyed out there. Brian’s cheering and jeering from the sidelines probably doesn’t help things much. During his first play in the game, Stewie gets terribly concussed, and Brian and Chris try to cover it up. You’d think they’d have known better, after the last time the Griffins tried to cover up one of Stewie’s injuries. But more on that later.

Getting extremely sunburned or concussed may seem pretty bad, and Stewie pretty much brought those incidents on himself, but this one is all Brian’s fault. Brian gets out of hand running a club, and drunkenly loses Stewie on the road. Stewie does manage to make it home on his own, but not without losing an ear to a hungry deer. Losing an appendage is bad enough, but nothing adds insult to injury like knowing it happened as a result of your best friend’s negligence. And what’s even worse than that is that is that the family doesn’t seem to care about Stewie’s missing ear - or even notice, for that matter.

Brian dropped the ball with the whole Stewie’s ear thing, but this time he knew what he was doing. Feeling that they’re drifting apart, Stewie wants to deepen his bond with Brian, so they cut their hands and swap blood. However, things go horribly wrong when Stewie wakes up the next morning to discover that Brian has given him herpes. Naturally, Stewie is furious. It’s a wonder Stewie didn’t resort to his old murderous ways when he discovered that Brian knew he had herpes before they swapped blood.

Speaking of Brian inflicting intentional harm on Stewie, this time he gets Stewie killed. When Stewie teleports them to Vegas, he ends up duplicating them, leaving one pair of them nothing but good luck, and the other nothing but bad luck. The bad versions burn all their cash, so they borrow money from a loan shark and can't pay it back. The loan shark mistakenly goes after the good versions and when they can't pay him either, he offers them a choice as to who will die first, and Brian wastes no time whatsoever selling Stewie out. He tells the loan shark to shoot Stewie first, and he obliges. Thankfully there was another Stewie available, so no harm no foul, right?

That’s right: it’s Brian yet again. While picking up Stewie from his daycare center, Brain sees just how terrible it is. The children are left alone, the place is filthy, and there are dangerous objects everywhere. Brian is appalled, and demands to speak to the daycare teacher, like any good guardian would. But when he meets Ms. Emily, Brian completely changes his tune when he sees how attractive she is. Brian not only ignores the abuse; he also contributes to it just so he can get with Miss Emily. Stewie’s seen Brian do some pretty terrible things in pursuit of a lady, but this example is definitely up there as one of the worst!

Okay, what is this dude’s deal? Does he even like Stewie? When Brian finally, finally, writes that bestseller he’s been bragging about for years, Stewie becomes his manager. Stewie does everything for Brian, yet is met with nothing but ingratitude. The more fame Brian gets, the worse and worse he treats Stewie. He even leaves Stewie alone on the street once to get back to their hotel by himself. All because he thinks he should be just as famous as Renee Zellweger. Stewie has to endure Brian’s verbal abuse, and even being ruthlessly fired. Poor Stewie.

Though the women in Peter’s life might be glad he finally attended some sensitivity training, Stewie would argue that it did much more harm than good. The training ignites some extreme motherly feelings in Peter, and he goes a little crazy trying to, uh, nurture everyone. He even goes so far as to try to breastfeed Stewie. Of course it doesn't work and Stewie is traumatized by the experience. The look on Stewie’s face when he realizes what is happening really says it all. And when he pulls that hair out of his mouth? Yeeeeeah.

Stewie is so intelligent, sometimes it’s easy to forget that, after all these years, he’s still just a baby. While looking through Peter’s old album collection, Stewie comes across the Queen album “News of the World,” which absolutely terrifies him. In Stewie’s defense, a giant killer robot is pretty scary. Stewie is so terrified by the Queen album cover that he is driven literally insane. It probably isn’t helpful that Brian finds the whole thing absolutely hysterical, and constantly taunts him with the image. Brian’s torture is so relentless, it drives Stewie to kill Rupert and attempt to kill himself just to escape it.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

Bathtime!
“Family Guy Viewer Mail #2”

Being Kept in Pants
“And the Wiener Is…”

It’s Snow Fun
“Grumpy Old Man”

Getting Fused With Rupert
“8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter”

Taking a Shard of Glass to the Forehead
“Peterotica”

While Meg and Chris are fighting, they end up knocking Stewie down the stairs, rendering him unconscious and giving him a huge gash in his head. Though that first part is an accident, the rest is… not. It’s understandable at first that Chris and Meg panic, but at some point you’d think that they’d get their baby brother some real help. But they decide the best course of action is to cover up his injury. Literally. They put a hat on him and hope nobody notices. Eventually, Peter finds out, and his response is… to throw Stewie under Lois’ car to blame the whole thing on her. At least Stewie was unconscious for the whole ordeal. Cartoon logic, amirite?!