BJ Café, Stoned Seagulls & The Odorous Olympics: The Dispatch #32

BJ Café, Stoned Seagulls & The Odorous Olympics: The Dispatch #32

There’s probably a reason why you haven’t heard of these stories, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t interesting! Welcome to WatchMojo.com, and this is The Dispatch, where we bring you the Internet’s weirdest and coolest stories! This week, we’re looking at sailing the sewage seas of Brazil, psychedelic seagulls, and a blowjob café in London.

#3: Olympic Gullet Gateway

As if Olympic athletes hadn’t been warned enough about the Zika virus, the Brazilian drug cartels or substandard accommodations at the 2016 Olympic Summer Games in Rio. Now they can add lethal water to the list as well. Participants of the sailing and windsurfing events taking place in Guanabara Bay have been instructed to keep their mouths shut during the competition. Not due to trash talking during the event, but trashy conditions in the microorganism and toxin polluted bay. Dutch sailor Afrodite Zegers said “we just have to keep our mouths closed when the water sprays up.” So, not only do these athletes have to sail, surf, and perform at an Olympic level, but also their ability to keep their mouth shut must be of equally superior caliber. Are they giving out medals for this too?

#2: Seagull Psychedelia

In part two of “Keep Your Trap Shut!” we’re looking at you, seagulls. Recent reports of an increase in seagull attacks and accidents in the UK are thought to have been caused by the consumption of flying ants. Swarms of the insects took flight late in July, as they do every year when the weather is just right. High temperatures prompt the ant queen to take to the skies, leaving hordes of male ants chasing after her ant-ly pheromones. But, resident gull expert Tony Whitehead said this mating ritual is unknowingly having an inebriating effect on the snacky seagulls, making them more distracted, excitable and, well, so wasted they’ll fly into buildings or oncoming cars. Ant expert Dr. Rebecca Nesbit says this particular breed of ant is known to produce formic acid, which could be a contributing factor to the odd behavior. But before we poop on their party like they poop on our cars, we might want to wait a few days until the seagulls stop flooding record shops, jamming to Grateful Dead and wearing tie-died shirts.

#1: BJ Café

How do you like your coffee? Cream or milk? Sugar or sweetener? A nice biscotti on the side or some under the table fellatio? You will be able to have all of the above once the Fellatio Café opens in London, England, in December of 2016. The baroque themed café - which apparently ticks all of the legal boxes - will provide customers with coffees and pastries, as well as an iPad loaded with the headshots of escorts to choose their oral sex provider. It will likely be the most costly coffee in town, with a base price of $65 for 15 minutes, and an additional $13 per ten minutes of overtime work. It will be interesting to see how long this brothel that sells coffee – ahem, sorry – this Fellatio Café will last before it gets blue-balled by the authorities.

So, will you munch a few ants and hit up the Fellatio Café?
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